Life lessons from my parents

My mom and dad.

Today, September 25th, 2014 marks the fiftieth anniversary of the day my parents walked down the aisle together.

Fifty years is a long time.

Half of a century.

And it is indeed something to celebrate. An accomplishment not often heard about in today's day and age. And though circumstance has dictated that we should be on two different coasts today, they are both very, very much on my mind and in my heart.

I've wracked my brains for some 'thing' to give them that would show them how much I love them. How much I appreciate them. How much they have meant to me. How proud I am of them and how they have shaped my life.

But how do you put a value on such feelings? How do you properly honour the people who gave you life and breath, put you on the right road and supported you even when it was they who needed support?

You don't.

And so here I sit at my laptop. Wishing I could be somewhere else and yet trying to share with the world how I feel. How do you put the appreciation for fifty years together into words?

I can only try.

When I was about 4, while my dad was out at work, my mom taught me how to read. My dad encouraged it when he came home. I'm pretty sure they thought I was from another planet because my desire for books was insatiable. I ate books. And I could not WAIT to get to school. I don't think they realized it at the time, but those first picture books were the makings of a career. Of a passion. Of a love that would last a lifetime.

Around the same time, my dad taught me how to fish. And hunt. And work a garden. And I learned to appreciate growing things and the earth around us. My mom taught me to bake by baking. And how to sew by sewing. How the work doesn't go away on it's own. I learned to make hay when the sun shines and to appreciate the rain when it comes.
I learned how much hard work goes into feeding a family. How sometimes you can put hours and hours of work into a project and have it fail, but you can't stop trying.

My mom taught me to appreciate the quiet times. To be still. To look beyond the moment and to have faith. She taught me that sometimes I have to stick up for myself--but that doesn't mean I have to be mean or vicious. You can be strong without being hard. Strength comes in many forms.

My father, a true handyman, taught me that I can repair just about anything with the right tools.

Together they fostered my independence from day one. They didn't coddle me (although my older siblings would disagree), and they didn't spend every waking hour entertaining me. They had work to do, and they did it. I played by myself. I found things to do. I read. I went outside. I climbed trees and I made leaf sailboats. I played with toy cars in the dirt and I ate apples right off of the tree. In letting me explore, they encouraged my imagination. Sure, times were different then, but I think in doing so, the taught me one of the basic rules of parenting. Kids learn by doing. They need to explore their environments and make mistakes to grow. I made lots of mistakes. But I learned. Sometimes I made the same mistake over and over again. But sooner or later I did it right.

Lastly, having watched my parents from day one, they taught me that the best things in life are not free. Love comes with a price. Hard work, long hours, sacrifice, and heartache are the currency of love and marital success. Forgiveness sometimes comes at heavy cost. No marriage is perfect. Often we hurt those we love most, and we have to dig deep to ask forgiveness. And sometimes things are too broken to be fixed, but you can't know that unless you first try to put it back together.

No matter how happy it looks on the outside, there are always issues. But getting through those issues together, humbling yourself, recognizing your differences and accepting them, brings huge rewards. My parents have taught me that. They find happiness in each other's company. They understand they are two distinct individuals and they have spent fifty years discovering how two parts can become one whole.

I am so incredibly proud to call them my parents.

I am here today as a testament to their love and dedication to one another.

And so, Edna and David Corey, I thank you for all that you have done for me. And I wish you many, many more years of happiness together.

Happy anniversary,

Brenda

Military Monday: A weekend of Heroes.

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to participate with my husband in a ceremony

Hanging with a hero-Stocky and I
before our flight in the Cessna

commemorating the great Second World War air battle known as the Battle of Britain. Being an ex-Air Force officer and and an RCAF wife, this ceremony is an important one, as it represents the first commitment of the RCAF to combat in WW II. I was part of a contingent which travelled north to Port Hardy--a small community on the northeastern shore of Vancouver Island to participate in the ceremony there. It was a wonderful weekend of fun, camaraderie, sight-seeing and seafood, paired with some serious moments of reflection. The local Air Force Association Squadron welcomed us with open arms, and much fun was had by all. I even had the opportunity to take a flight in a Cessna aircraft over the Queen Charlotte Strait at low enough altitude to see breaching humpback whales and several pods of orcas.

One of the members of our contingent was (and is) a real live Air Force hero. And even better, he was accompanied by his wife of 63 years...who I also think deserves the title of hero for her many years of service to our country behind the scenes.

James Francis "Stocky" Edwards, CM, DFC & Bar, DFM, CD (born June 5, 1921 – ) may not have fought in the Battle of Britain, but he joined the fighting soon afterward, and is one Canada's few remaining WW II flying aces. "Toni", born Alice Antonio, also has a military history, having worn the uniform in the '40s, working in both Communications and the nursing field. 

Young and dapper Stocky Edwards

Although I've only known them for a short time, Stocky and Toni Edwards have made a HUGE impression on me. Humble, kind, selfless and warm-hearted, they are the very essence of the perfect military couple. Seriously. They have been through it all. Postings far from home, long separations and deployments--they lived all of this before I was even a twinkle in my parents eyes.

Toni Edwards in her military days
(From elinorflorence.com).

But these two are so obviously in love, that they have persevered through all of their difficulties and are still living life to the fullest. They are so positive, so happy to be together that I can't help but think, I want what they have. They are true role models for today's military couples, having recognized the military lifestyle for what it was and embraced it--and they continue to embrace it as supporters to 19 Wing Comox and the RCAF. More than 60 years after their marriage, they attend as many of the local events as they can, arriving together and leaving arm in arm.


I'm so fortunate to have the opportunity to spend time with this lovely couple. They are true heroes.

You can find out more about the Battle of Britain on Wikipedia here, and about Stocky and Toni Edwards here and here.

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Want to talk about the life of a 'dependent'? Do you cringe at the very mention of the word (as I occasionally do...part of why my book is so titled...)? Join me TOMORROW for a twitter chat at 12:00 PST, using #dependent to join in! Hope to hear from you!

Brenda

Military Monday: Life...interrupted.

As you know, our summer has been a bit messy, with all of the moving and upheaval and chaos that goes with it. Although you never get used to that sort of insanity, you learn to deal with it. You expect a month or two of boxes and hiccups and new issues, and this summer is no exception.

As our moves typically occur in the summertime, we usually fumble through the months of July and August...knowing that in September we'll really be able to get organized. 

Because in September, the kids go back to school. Schedules are finalized, kids head off to their classes with backpacks full of shiny new school supplies... off to fill their heads with knowledge, meet new friends and settle in for the next few years. Parents are refreshed, energized, and people like me finally have the time to dig into those last few boxes and get their household administration under control. Time to sort out our careers, organize our days and make plans. Right? 

Wrong.

Waiting for the doors to open.

In the province of British Columbia (where we live), teachers are on strike. It's a messy, political, deep-rooted battle between the BC Teachers Federation and Governmental beings, and as an outsider moving in, I refuse to take sides and support either entity. When two sides can't sit down with an experienced negotiator and work it out, they lose my respect. I am already sick of the media ads and tweets that say (either directly or indirectly) 'Our side is better because we're willing to negotiate and the other side isn't, so you should support us!' Baloney. Horse poop. It all makes me grumpy. Especially when the people who the sides are fighting about--teachers and kids--just want to get back to school. 

Anyway I digress. 

The schools here are closed, and my kids are still home. Those hallowed first days of school where I can sip my coffee and organize my life are yet to happen. There are signs that the two sides are getting closer, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'll be fine. And my kids will be fine as well. But the first day of school is a milestone all families look forward to. And it has become blatantly clear how much we, as a military family, depend on that milestone to ease the sting of a posting. 

Because school isn't just about books. It's about life. 

Life for military families with kids on a new post starts on the first day of school. It's the real beginning. Until that day, the move isn't finished. Just like the pile of boxes in the corner, school holds so many possibilities and so many unknowns. It's a big stressor for military kids because there are so many unanswered questions. Will I like my teacher? Will I be able to play the trombone in band? Will I make the soccer team? Will I be behind or ahead in Math? Will I have too much homework? Will the kids on the bus be mean or nice? Will they tease me because I'm new? Did I get the course selections I asked for? Will I have enough time to get between classes? Are there good books in the library? 

And the most important question for kids... Will I meet a new best friend?

It's always been a given that the kids would head back to school at the end of the summer, and when they were bored and missing their old friends we could bring up the possibility of new friends just on the other side of the school doors. Our kids are old enough to understand. They know that somewhere in the throng of shiny new faces is a potential kindred spirit. So they are looking forward (even if they won't admit it) to the first day. But it feels like we are on hold. Like life is interrupted. Unfinished. 

And this year we have a new question to add to our list of unknowns. When will it start?

I guess we will just have to wait and see. 

Military Monday: Meet C. R. Asay!

Heart of Annihilation Blog Tour and Interview

Today I'm fortunate to feature a new writing friend as she launches her debut novel: HEART OF ANNIHILATION. Congrats! Ms. Asay is a former Utah National Guard who has turned her focus toward motherhood and writing. A little about her:

C.R. Asay

Bio: C. R. Asay joined the Utah National Guard at the age of seventeen. After spending time in the 625th Military Police Corp she transferred to the 19th Special Forces group as a counterintelligence agent. She retired from the military after marrying her best friend and graduating from college so that she could embark on the most exciting adventure of all; being a mom.

The short story version of her first novel, Heart of Annihilation, earned an honorable mention from the L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future contest. C. R. Asay currently resides in West Jordan, Utah, with her husband, four children, and a dog. There is always a dog.

* * *

B: Welcome Christauna! Tell us a bit about yourself. Where are you from?

C: Heber City, Utah. Nothin’ quite like growin’ up in a small town.

B: Tell us about your connection to the military...

C: I joined the Utah National Guard when I was 17. I did my basic training between my junior and senior year of high school and then completed my training after graduation. I remember one guy from my graduating class checking the back of my truck for an M-16 when he heard I’d joined… Still makes me snicker.

I was an in a Military Police EPW (enemy prisoners of war) unit for a while until we were disbanded. After that I joined the 19^th Special Forces group as a counterintelligence agent. I was with this unit until I got out a few years later right after my first child was born.

B: Sounds busy. How has your military background influenced the writing of Heart of Annihilation?

C: My military background is the breath of life behind this work. Heart of Annihilation is a work of fiction, but with a very realistic and accurate military setting.

B: When did you start writing? What led you to writing a full length novel?

C: Writing has always been a part of my life, but it wasn’t until my husband decided to write a novel that I fell in love with the whole process of an actual full-length novel. There is just such detail and scope that goes into a novel that it creates an entire world for readers to explore. I was hooked the 

second I imagined the world that became Heart of Annihilation.

B: I can certainly understand that feeling! Can you describe the process from first words to finished product?

C: I have no process. Someday I hope to have a process, but for now every time I sit down to write I do it differently. I’m usually a pantser, as in I write by the seat of my pants. Whatever comes into my head makes it onto paper and then I revise heavily in the aftermath. Sometimes I’ll write for weeks at a frantic pace, desperate to get the words out. Other times I’ll go for weeks without writing a single new word. I work well under a deadline, so even if the muses aren’t with me, I can usually pound out anything I need to if a deadline is looming over my head.

B: On a scale of zero (nearly impossible) to ten (a dream come true) how would you rate your publishing experiences so far?

C: That’s a tough one. A 7. I love everything about my book. Its very existence seems miraculous to me. I love my publisher and how much work they have put into this book to make it the work of art that it is. I only rate my experience lower because the road here was so incredibly rocky. There were many times, from conception of the book to holding it in my hands, that I wanted to throw in the towel on the whole industry. Heart of Annihilation was shelved several times, and sometimes thrown violently across the room, but the story and the characters were so compelling to me that I would inevitably pull it out, dust it off, revise, revise, revise and try to find it a new home.

B: Any tips on balancing family life with a writing career?

C: Family first, always. My family is so supportive of my publishing efforts. They are truly my biggest fans from my husband, teenager on down to my 1^st grader. And I believe they are this way because I have always put them first. That being said they are happy to give me a wide berth if I’m having one of those crazy writer moments because they know I’ll always come back, happier than before. This year will be a mile stone for me because my youngest will be in 1^st grade, giving me ample time during the day to make writing and publishing a career and giving them my full attention when school is out, rather than cramming in writing here and there, wherever I could fit it in.

B: Do you have any other writing projects on the go at present?

C: I’m working on the sequel to Heart of Annihilation with a tentative release in Summer 2015. I also have an anthology piece coming out on Veterans Day of this year. It is to support the TADSAW (Train a Dog, Save a Warrior) foundation. It’s a collection of fictional stories about working dogs and their connection to their human partners. It’s a fantastic collection. Grab a tissue before you read it.

B: Will do. What is your advice for new authors?

C: The publishing industry is a hard one to navigate. Do the work to learn the craft. Don’t settle for anything less than your best effort and then up your game. Never stop learning and growing. As true with life as it is with writing.

B: Awesome. Cats or Dogs?

C: Dogs. Cats make me sneeze and I love dogs. Always dogs.

B: And the question we’ve all been waiting for…Coffee or Tea?

C: Haha. I’m a Mormon-y type, so hot chocolate. Dr. Pepper if my day is really going wrong.

B: Chocolate is always a good choice! Thanks so much Christauna! And best of luck with your new book!

* * *

More about Heart of Annihilation...

When U.S. Army Specialist Kris Rose catches members of her unit stealing ammunition to kill aliens, she is forced to defend herself with a freakish electrical charge shooting from her fingertips.

Shaken by her newly found power and hunted by vigilantes from her unit, Rose is forced away from her structured, military world and into a fight for her life.

With the aid of her battle buddy, Corporal Thurmond, Rose sets out to learn more about the aliens under attack. In the process, she discovers her bizarre connection to a devastating threat to Earth--an alternate dimensional weapon called the Heart of Annihilation, lost somewhere on Earth.

From a chuteless free-fall from 20,000 feet, to deadly bullet wounds and the unforgiving Sonoron Desert, Kris Rose enters a world where aliens are real. And she might be one of them.

* * *

You can find more about Christauna here: http://www.crasay.com

Don't forget to find her on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Goodreads!

Brenda

Military Monday: Posting Phase Eight: The Insanity.

Not one, not two, but FIVE trucks
just outside of our house...

So I was all happily writing away at my lovely posting phases and making everything sound all organized and perfect when...BOOM. It happened. The INSANITY. Pre-pack day, pack day, load day, clean day, drive away day and suddenly I'm on the other side of the country, launching my book, shaking my head and wondering what the heck happened.

Rory the horse. Not happy with his can on wheels.

This is what it is to have a military move. Insanity. No amount of planning can prepare you for the weeks of chaos and restaurant meals and unexpected car repairs. No one can give you a list that gets you ready to put everything you own on someone else's truck (or in our case, three trucks...) and watch it drive away. And no magic number of previous moves can prepare you for that next move...because just when you think you've seen it all, something else gets thrown in to shake things up a bit.  Like having your books arrive but no shelving units. Or the lovely metal-scraping sound that appeared as we hauled our horse trailer (with horse) over some of the steepest roads in the country.

Drive thru ice-cream place in rural Ontario,
Rory was a hit.

This was our first time moving with a horse, and it added a whole new meaning to drive-thru restaurants and Bed and Breakfast lodging. 'Is hay included in the price?'--and-- 'Indoor or outdoor paddocks?' were not questions we previously had encountered when booking a move. And you think your toddler doesn't want to get in the car? Try loading a thousand pound horse that's got a bruise on his behind and is leaving his new-found best friends. Can you blame him for not wanting to walk into a non-air-conditioned can on wheels?

Bed, Bale and Breakfast in Kenaston,
Saskatchewan

Add 5000km of driving, several hair-raising turns with unthinkable cliffs on the other side, a state-of-emergency due to flooding, tornado warnings, seriously bad mosquitos (Manitoba really does have the worlds biggest mosquitos), all with three tall teens in the back seat of a pick up truck. And don't forget a hike up a mountain creek, a gondola ride to the top of a Mountain, some wonderful meals, some okay meals, some truly scary pit-stops and then end with a ferry ride...that brings us to the other side of a truly massive continent...where our house was not quite ready for us.

Hoodoos in Drumheller

A few more hotel nights, unload day (x3), unpack day (x1), a clothes dryer fire, a sewage back up in the basement (which was full of boxes), more hotel days, DEPENDENT's book launch, several formal military events (including my husband's Change of Command ceremony) and many other crazy moments that I won't mention here, and you get a brief taste of the past month.

Insanity.

And would I have it any other way?

Not a chance!

Am I crazy? Quite possibly.

But in amongst those mad moments were some truly wonderful family adventures. We stood at the top of a mountain. We went as far west as the kids have EVER been. We saw dinosaur bones, a live moose, the Terry Fox Memorial, and real hoo doos. We mets some amazing people with open arms and kind hearts. We giggled. And laughed, and joked and explored. We learned that generosity lives not in big bank accounts but in small gestures of friendship. And we did it together.

Sulfur Mountain in Banff

Move in day...

We're here! Dipping my feet in the Pacific. 

 What's insane is how well it all went. It's insane that we are here, that we drove that far with five people in a pickup truck towing a horse, and we're still talking to one another. It's insane that our travel costs were covered by the military--not all of them, but most. And it's so insane that we live here...in this beautiful town on this beautiful island. Yes, we've still got boxes artfully hidden under tablecloths and crammed in corners, and yes I'm sick of disorganization, mess and chaos...but we made it.

Together.

And that is what it's all about.


Brenda

More posting phases: Seven (look for more at the bottom of the link!)

Launch Party!

Dependent has released to amazing reviews and I want to celebrate! I'll be at Chapters in Victoria, BC tomorrow to do so! There will be books for purchase and I'll have my pen at the ready.

Come out and say hello! Would love to meet you!

DETAILS:

Book Launch and Signing

at

Chapters

1212 Douglas St.

Victoria, BC

from 12-2pm

To see the official invitation: GO HERE.

Can't make it?  You can still purchase DEPENDENT at fine bookstores around the globe. Check out the links to the left to purchase online!

Brenda

Almost Time

DEPENDENT RELEASES IN TWO DAYS.

TWO.

JUST TWO.



Have you put it on your Goodreads to-read list yet?

Pre-ordered your copy? (<---Links to the left)

Booked LAUNCH DAY (AUG 2nd at Chapters Victoria,BC on Douglas 12-2) off so you can come?

Checked out all of the amazing Blog tour posts?

Can't wait!

Brenda