Fifty

 

Hi, my name is Brenda and I am fifty years old. 

Midlife. Five freaking decades old.

The thing about turning fifty in pandemic is you have a lot of time to think. Maybe too much time. Fifty is a turning point. A reckoning. Not only was this the year I turned fifty, but it was supposed to be the stepping off point for our youngest—the third of three—and the year my husband and I rediscovered our relationship. After twenty-four years of marriage, far too many moves, and a whole lot of chaos and sacrifice, this was going to be the year the roller coaster levelled out. A return to stability. A year of rediscovery and growth.

Ha.

Hahahaha.

Hahahahahaha!

HA!

Yes, the universe had other plans.

What happened instead was a blessing in very questionable clothing.

Not only did we get to spend a bonus year with our youngest, but we got to see our middlest grow into his own skin while studying and working under our roof. We watched our oldest live up to the challenge of living apart from us as an adult. We had family suppers again. We talked on the phone. We Zoomed. Like so many others we stayed home, looked inward and relearned some family boundaries.

But while we were re-exploring our family we, something else was happening.

Fifty year old me was flailing.

If you follow me on any of my social media pages you’ll have figured out that I spent a big chunk of the past year with my daughter(s) looking out over the edge of the earth from our cottage on Prince Edward Island. Before I go any further, I want to say that I know how lucky I am to have had this refuge, and even more lucky to have the ability and the cross-border approval to get there. I truly, truly wish others could have the same option.

Anyway, in March when the world was going to crap, my daughter and I drove the eighteen hours to our cottage, stopping only for gas on the way, and got across the Confederation Bridge just hours before they shut it down for weeks.

March at our little beach cottage on the Island is about as isolated as it gets. It was just me, my youngest, the foxes and the crows, with a quiet (but lovely) neighbor who kept to herself. There was snow, wind, rain and worry. Worry that I’d made the wrong choice to come there. Worry about my husband and son who were far, far away in a different country in a pandemic. Worry for my other daughter and my parents and family and friends. Worry that someone would judge our American license plates and, in their very real fear, act violently against myself or worse—my daughter.

So much worry.

As a Canadian who has given almost two thirds of my life to my country both in my own uniform and in support of my husband and others in uniform, living there on the edge of the world, as I approached the end of my forties brought on huge crisis of identity.

If I’m not from here…where am I from? What do I want to do with my life? Where is home?

Who am I?

Then one of those days, after a long week of working virtually and dealing with the worry, I started reading Brené Brown’s 10^th Anniversary Edition of The Gifts of Imperfection. In her Preface, she talks about her own reckoning with mid-life. She says:

People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”, but it’s not. It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re “supposed” to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.

I read that sentence and burst into tears.

Really. I’m not kidding. Full on meltdown.

In the silent, hidden way that a mother cries knowing her seventeen-year-old daughter is upstairs doing virtual schoolwork in a pandemic, I sat there and bawled. Ugly-cried. I wanted to yell out loud like Charlie Brown—“That’s IT!” I wanted to call Brené Brown and tell her thank you for putting it so clearly, and for reading my emotional temperature better than I can myself.

I was unraveling. I AM unraveling.

Oh my god, I’ve been living how I’m supposed to be for sooooo long. My hats are my own but I’ve been wearing them because that was what I thought I was supposed to do. No one forced me to wear them. At any time I could have said, no thank you…I don’t think that’s me. But I’ve been wearing them anyway and they are freaking heavy. My shoulders are weary.

And I’m just…tired.

Sitting there in that quiet cottage overlooking the ocean I realized it’s up to me to examine each and every hat I wear. Some of them will stay on my head. Some of them will be put aside, in case I need them again.

And some of them I will unravel, and build something different.

The hat that I am showing you now is one I’ve dusted off now and again, but I realize, after a year of thinking and reading and doing, that I need this hat.

I am a writer. And I need to write. 

I am a creator. And I need to create.

Sometimes my military spouse hat has meant that I have not been true to that need. For some reason in the past, I thought my opinions would be harmful—for my husband’s career, for my family, for me. I was afraid to show my true self because it might be construed the wrong way.

But the thing is, after more than thirty years of serving my beautiful country in the best way I think I can, there are very few people that have that foundation—that reality. And if I’m going to be true to myself, sometimes my opinions will be different. That’s okay.

As long as I’m authentic, and honest and true, I know now that writing—even difficult, controversial writing—is what I need to do.

Unraveling isn’t easy. I’m a knitter and I hate ‘frogging’ something I worked on. It’s painful. And the past few months have been hard for me, and for everyone. They’re still hard.

But the good thing is now I have a ball of yarn to create something beautiful with. 

I’m starting with this blog. It’s been forgotten. As I lost myself under the weight of my hats and life in general, I’ve found that writing is super hard. Finishing my latest manuscript has been a long slog.

So I’m starting here. Just a few words when I can. A few thoughts as I journey forward.

I hope you'll continue to join me here as I do.

Brenda

Military Monday: Military Wives Choirs

Happy New Year!

The presents are open, the parties are over and the kids are back to school. Let me just say that you have not seen holiday celebration insanity until you've been closely associated with a military base! It was an amazing season, with concerts and parties and dinners and fun, but I'm so very glad to be getting back into a routine--and back to writing, blogging and a bit of normalcy.

Although I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions, I am a huge fan of making goals and seeing the fruits of my hard work not only ripen but multiply...and one of those goals is about to be realized! It's a goal that has nothing to do with writing, and everything to do with being a military spouse.

After several meetings and emails and phone calls, much research and a whole lot of luck, this week will mark the inaugural meeting of the Canadian Military Wives Choir Comox! If all goes well, this amazing organization will be setting up shop on my local base, and I cannot wait to be a part of it.

Have you heard of the Military Wives Choir movement? It started just 5 years ago in 2010 when a group of wives (yes, just women) in the UK got together to sing and support one another while their husbands were deployed--a chance to learn, grow and get away from the daily stress of being on their own. The choir grew rapidly with the support of Gareth Malone as their choirmaster, and in  2011 they released their first single Wherever You Are, which shot to number one on the UK charts. There are now more than 80 choirs around the UK and the world.

The first Canadian Military Wives Choir started in 2013 in Ottawa, and the Comox choir will spread the movement to the west coast of Canada. From humble beginnings great things are accomplished. A chorister since my elementary school days, I've wanted to be a part of a choir like this since I saw the Wherever You Are video way back in 2011. So excited to sing with the wonderful people who support those in uniform--Military Wives!

Have you set a New Year's goal? Feel free to share it below!

Brenda

Military Monday...The Wait

Hurry up and wait.

The mantra of military folk everywhere.

The Dunne family are still in a holding pattern, so I won't bore you with more stories of new life forms found in teenager's closets. Or the terrifying ordeal of tackling the storage room. Or the garage (which has yet to be attempted). Phase two is still in full swing, the cleaning out of closets continues. The getting rid of junk marches on.

And we have no news.

**cue Jeopardy music**

Such is the life.

So.....anyone out there gotten a posting message already?  Where are you off to? Anything exciting?

In the meantime, the Dunne writing world is spooling up for the launch of DEPENDENT on July 29th. And big news...

I have eARCs! 

Paper copies are coming soon, so if you have a blog, are interested in reviewing or hosting me on your blog during the DEPENDENT BLOG TOUR this summer, let me know! I can send you the link for the blog tour sign up.

And don't forget that you can pre-order on Amazon here.  Or head on over to the Goodreads page and pop DEPENDENT on your to-read list!

Happy Monday,

Brenda

Military Monday: Military Kids

A different kind of helicopter parenting...8 Wing CFB Trenton 2010

 

 

There has been a lot of discussion on the internet lately about the current generation of kids. How this generation, the product of so-called 'helicopter parents' (see this article and others like it), are incapable of caring for themselves. How they need mommy and daddy to help them do everything, from folding their laundry, to helping them pass university courses.
 

As an answer to this...I give you the military child.

I have to say, I scoffed at these helicopter parents articles. Yeah, there's a few parents I've met in my years as a mom that would qualify, but the vast majority don't and won't. I'm sure it's partly because it would drive me crazy to hang out with parents like this. My friends kids' have chores. They participate in family discussions. They work for their allowances. If they get a failing grade, they lose privileges.

Part of the reason I know few qualifying helicopter parents is because, by necessity and opportunity, most (but certainly not all) of my close friends are part of military families.

So what makes military kids different?

1) Children in military families learn quickly that things don't always turn out the way they want. Often their first bed is a car seat, and they are on the road to a new home before they've even comprehended their old one. They say goodbye to their friends frequently. They don't get to choose

Dad just before
departure on deployment

their homes or their schools. The service branch their parent belongs to chooses those things, and chooses when they will change.

2) Military kids get big responsibilities on their shoulders early in life. I remember my three year old 'reading' to her newborn sister so that I could put her two year old brother down for his nap. Only a few feet away from me, but she understood that it was her responsibility, and she accepted that. When Dad is away a lot, someone has to step up to help out with other chores too, like lawn-mowing, dishes, taking out the garbage. As one military spouse says, "(Our) children are often in the position of learning to cope with change, they learn to make the best of difficult circumstances, and above all they learn the necessity of sacrifice for a greater good. Children in military families learn independence through adversity; being asked to contribute their skills and talents to the function of the family unit, to accommodate the absent family member."

3) Military kids understand the realities of military life. They hear the news. They know their parent is in danger. They endure disappointment when Dad isn't there to see them perform, to praise report cards, to compete in sports. They cry. They are scared. And they keep going. They get through it.

One of my good friends recently said in a Thanksgiving oriented Facebook post: "Our girls have amazed me with their ability to keep going, not moping around, not waiting for things to happen to them, but going out and making life happen, living it to its fullest. I don't know if I would've been as strong at my age."

4) Military kids have great role models. Parents and other families around them that understand the value of hard work. Immediate role models that don't always want to do what they have to...but they do it anyway.

Now mind you, not every military family encourages their kids to get out there, make mistakes and keep working until they succeed. Some parents take their fear of their spouse's job and reflect it backwards. Their family environment, something they can control, becomes the outlet for something they can't control, ie) their spouse's environment. PTSD can play a big role in over-protective military family parenting (a post for another time...).

But the majority of military kids that I've met in my 25+ years associated with the military are strong, resilient, capable, and hard-working. They're kids that are able to deal with whatever life throws at them...because, well, life has thrown a lot at them already. Their experiences help them prepare for life without mom and dad.

What are your thoughts? Do you know strong, resilient military kids? Or perhaps you know some helicopter parents?  Let me know your experiences in the comments below!

Til next time,

Brenda.

Remember.

Photo credit:
Elizabeth K Watnem Photography

Last week, after posting my Military Monday post on education, I was grappling with what to post here for Remembrance Day--what angle I would take, what topic I could share, what personal story or anecdote I could expand upon. I was a little stumped.

Remembrance Day has always been a mandatory attendance event in our family. Even when I was little my world stopped on November 11 while we walked to a cold cenotaph and stood in rain, wind and sometimes snow. As a proud Air Force officer, I have marched with my coworkers. As a military spouse I have stood by my husband. And as a mother I have watched my children march as Brownies, Scouts and Army Cadets. Remembrance Day never fails to move me. Even today, as you read this, I am standing beside my husband in his uniform, while my youngest daughter lays a wreath on behalf of her school...I'm likely trying to keep it together as I hear the Last Post.

But last week, as I came home, logged on to Facebook, and checked my messages, I was stumped as to how to do justice to such an important day.

There, in the 'Other' tab of my Facebook, was a message from a stranger. I was flattered and pleased that someone I didn't know would take the time to write me a personal message. It's still a novelty for me to get mail, in any form, from a complete stranger.

I clicked on the message. And then I read it.

I wish I could fully describe what this message did to me. I was...humbled. Awed. Proud. Sad. Overwhelmed. I wrote the author, Amanda, back and asked her if I could share it with my readers word for word. She wrote back and said yes.

So I am honoured to share it with you now. Please take the time to read it all.

 

* * *

Hi Brenda

My name is Amanda Anderson - I saw your post about education on the Canadian Military Spouses FB page. I noticed a lot of the spouses mentioned University of Manitoba as a good school for military spouses.

 

Cpl Jordan Anderson
3PPCLI
DND photo

I wanted to let you know that U of M is the first university since the Korean War to award a degree posthumously to a fallen soldier - Cpl Jordan Anderson 3PPCLI (KIA Afghanistan 04 July 2007).

I think its extremely important that U of M get recognized for this distinction - especially within our military community. It took a huge amount of work by Jordan's friends, the Political Science department and the university to make this actually happen.

 

In addition to Jordan receiving his degree posthumously, a bursary was established - Cpl Jordan Anderson On the Ramp award for serving or retired member of the Canadian Forces, or a cadet (with preference given to those studying political science). Although the award isn't open to spouses I want the military community to know the extent to which U of M supports our military.

 

Jordan was taking political science through distance ed at U of M. As a serving member it was a challenge and more than one time I had to call the distance ed office myself and tell them he got bugged out and that term paper wasn't making it in, and perhaps could they speak to the prof and get him an extension?The staff at the distance ed office were unbelievably supportive throughout his years of study.



Cpl Jordan Anderson in theatre
DND photo



 

The day before he died he contacted the head of the department and was arranging to take classes upon his return from Afghanistan. I can't describe in a message how it felt to receive my husband's degree after his death. His dedication was incredible and I desperately wished it was him receiving it and me sitting in the audience. The news articles detail more of my reaction and the spontaneous reaction of the audience that day.

 

Here are some news links with more information:

 

**U of M to award posthumous degree to fallen soldierCpl. Jordan Anderson, raised in N.W.T. and was based in Edmonton, was taking BA

 

**POSTHUMOUS DEGREE TO BE CONFERRED ON FALLEN CANADIAN SOLDIER

 

**Education in the midst of conflict Cpl. Anderson was serving his country, planning for his future

 

When the news articles were published, the University was still working out logistical and privacy aspects of the bursary (therefore some of the newspaper article details are incorrect). Here is a link to a summary of the FINAL bursary requirements.

 

If anyone was interested in donating to Cpl Jordan Anderson 'On the Ramp' Bursary I've summarized the details on his In Loving Memory Facebook page here - along with a link to the donation form.

 

Jordan
(Anderson family archives)

I know this isn't the direction of your article, however you are speaking to the military community about education. Its hard to part with tuition money so at least at U of M you know its going to an institution who cares / gives a damn about our military and their sacrifice.

 

I hope you choose to share (in some format) Jordan's story and the amazing support he received from the U of M. Even more timely with Remembrance Day being next week.

 

Amanda Anderson

Widow of Cpl Jordan Anderson 3PPCLI

 

* * *

 

Needless to say, I was floored. 

 

I've since contacted George MacLean, PhD, Associate Dean of Graduate Studies at the University of Manitoba, who was the department head at the time Jordan was taking his courses. Dr. MacLean had this to say:

 

 "Jordan's story will likely stick with me for the rest of my life.  It was one of the best things I think we've done as a university...Military personnel (some American, too) over at the Air Force base officer school in Winnipeg raised funds to support the bursary, and it was fully funded and then given final approval in 2010.  We've awarded it at least twice since then."

Coming home.
Photo credit: DND

 

Such an amazing, heart wrenching inspirational story.

 

I am so honoured and privileged to be able to share it with you on today of all days.

 

So today, whether you are at work, school, home or at the local cenotaph, take a moment to remember Cpl Jordan Anderson and all of the people who were touched by his story. Touched enough to pull together to help others like him enrich their lives.

 

Remember the men with him...men who had wives and families and lives back home waiting for them. Remember that they were working on degrees, making plans, preparing for the future.

 

Remember how much they wanted to come home.

 

Remember that they didn't.

Brenda

 

***

 

Dedicated to the men who died on July 4, 2007

Killed in Action

Afghanistan

 

Captain Matthew Johnathan Dawe (3PPCLI)

Captain Jefferson Clifford Francis (1 Royal Canadian Horse Artillery)

Corporal Jordan James Anderson (3PPCLI)

Corporal Cole D. Bartsch (3PPCLI)

Master Corporal Colin Stuart Francis Bason (The Royal Westminster Regiment)

Private Lane William Thomas Watkins (3PPCLI)

 

Afghan interpreter

 

 

Military Monday: Careers for Military Spouses - Education

PART 3 OF A 3 PART SERIES

One of the many problems for military spouses attempting to embark on a new career path is the difficulty in obtaining a degree or diploma in their preferred field. Once again, we move. And our husbands go away a lot. And we often have young children at home and no family in the same time zone, let alone the same town. The application deadlines generally fall before posting messages come out, so even when you do apply, there's no guarantee you'll be able to follow through. And education is expensive! How do you afford four or more years of courses when you are barely making ends meet now?

So...is there any hope for a military spouse looking to get a new start in the job market?


In a word...YES! Although no one can guarantee it will be easy (it won't), there are many avenues you can pursue, and many military spouses have successfully completed the necessary education in spite of the challenges. The big question is how?

Firstly, all Canadian Military Family Resource Centres have an Education and Training component with Resource Libraries and links to help you investigate the possibilities. Whether it be for adult high school, college, university, or other courses, they are there to help you succeed. Start your journey by paying them a visit.

Not in Canada? Although I'm no expert on the American/British/Australian/other systems, similar programs exist to help you as well. Military.com has a tab dedicated to education for American spouses(as well as many other sites), and for British MoD spouses I believe the HIVE system has resources to help you.

When narrowing down to a specific course of study, a military spouse has to consider several key factors:

1. Does the educational institution have a distance learning possibility for your course? Some universities operate almost entirely online. Abathasca University is one example that has a great track record and is very portable. Other universities suggested by my readers included U of Manitoba, and Mount Saint Vincent University.

2. Is financial assistance available? Some universities offer special scholarships for adult learners, there are also tax breaks for those enrolled in secondary education. A low interest loan may be the best bet. Or, have you considered doing your degree on one of the military training plans, like ROTP? (I got my physiotherapy degree this way) Talk to your local MFRC or the finance/tuition assistance section of your university for more info.

3. Childcare? How can I study with the kids at home? Nothing like having a sick toddler and a twenty page paper due the next day. All I can say to this one is that there is always a way. Not necessarily an easy or perfect way, but a way. Talk to your spouse, friends, MFRC, university, family members...and figure it out. Plan around naptimes and bedtimes. And plan to keep long hours and late nights.

4. What happens if...? Expect problems. Completing a new degree or diploma will take time, energy and money. You will have questions and no idea how to get the answers. You'll have sick kids and no child care, long assignments and no time. You'll get an unexpected posting message. Your spouse will be deployed. Try to plan ahead for possible snags so that when they happen you'll be prepared. In the end it will be worth it!

When it comes to your education...there is always a way.

Have an spousal education story or an education solution you'd like to share? Know something I don't? (Very likely :) )Please comment below, or talk to me on facebook here. You may just help another spouse in the same situation!

Thanks and have a great week!

Brenda

Military Monday: Finding a Family Doctor

A few days ago I went to my first regular doctor's appointment (for myself not one of my kids) in
four years. As I sat in the waiting room afterwards, lab requisitions in hand, I got thinking about that fact. For me personally, this is not a big deal. The College of Family Practitioners recommends that a female of my age should have a periodic health exam every 3 years. And honestly, if I'm not sick, the LAST place I want to be is the doctor's office.

But what I realized as I sat there, was that (assuming everything is okay) it's quite likely that I will never see this doctor again. It took me almost two years after our posting date to find a doctor and get signed up with her practice, and if the lovely bloodwork comes back negative, I won't need to see her for another 3 years...at which point I'll be somewhere else.

In my sixteen years of marriage and eight postings I've had four 'real' family doctors. Real, meaning a doctor that I might have developed some sort of relationship with. The other postings I dealt with group practices (where the doctor on-call was the doctor you saw), urgent care clinics, or I did without. I HATE finding a new family physician. HATE it. It is probably the single-most stressful part of the posting process for me. Well, beside finding good schools for the kids. On this posting I called at least SIX clinics in our current small home town, and every single clinic administrator but one was rude and unhelpful, acting like I was wasting their time. Then there's the transferring of records (and fees which are sometimes covered, sometimes not) and the 'get-to-know-you' visit (two hours out of an already busy schedule to fill out reams of paperwork). And God help you if you discover that you don't actually like the doctor you've signed up with, because you won't be given the opportunity to find another one.

I know I'm not alone, so I put it out to some other military spouses to see if they had similar experiences with finding a family physician.  Some of the comments I got back:

* "...did not have a family doctor for 2 years"

* "I was without a doctor until I was being treated at hospital for a serious back injury and one of the doctors agreed to take me as his patient...The lesson I have learned is to take control, research and act quickly."

* "It wasn't until I was pregnant in early 2011 (three years later) that I finally was able to get a doctor because I had to call around and be like "dude, I can't just go to a walk-in clinic to have a baby, SOMEONE has to take me" and I STILL had to make a lot of calls before someone would take me."

* "Currently on our 6th posting, and only one of those I couldn't find a doctor. We were only there 2 years thankfully."

* "In Petawawa I waited 1 year and in Cold Lake I got (a doctor) right away."

* "We are now posted to New Brunswick and have to go on a waiting list, which can be at least a year wait. You do not get to choose your doctor, you are assigned one. There are no mediclinics in the town, you have to go to the hospital, which closes I believe at 5 and then you have to go into Fredericton after that. It is a big worry not to have medical service readily available."

* "I am relatively new to the military life (3 years), but I haven't had a family doctor since we left home at the beginning of the 3 years."

* "We got posted to Saint-Jean-Sur-Richelieu Quebec, it will be 5 years next month and we have 3 kids and we still do not have a family doctor..."


Two years? Three Years? Five years of waiting for a family physician? And this is just a fraction of the responses I got. I know that it's not JUST military spouses dealing with the shortage of family physicians, but military families often move every two or three years. That means each move is a new fight, a new waiting list, a new wait time for provincial health cards and a new physician-patient relationship. And let's be honest, it is NOT FUN having a routine female health exam by a complete stranger. Some families seem to have better luck than others, with no wait times at all, but the vast majority of spouses who responded had long waits and very little choice in which practice they ended up with.

Don't bother clicking...not accepting
new patients here!

Another spouse brought up a different side of things--namely trying to get medical care in your own language. French speaking Canadians in English provinces (and visa versa) have great difficulty even communicating with their doctors. One spouse commented, "I have to take someone with me to translate the personal information that is discussed, and depending on the appointment or the seriousness of it, they would even have to come into the room with me for the tests." Military spouses do not get to choose where they live. But, like every Canadian, they should have the option to receive health care services in both/either of the two official languages.

Thankfully, the Canadian Forces are taking baby steps to make health care more accessible to military families and have opened several CF family medical clinics on bases like 14 Wing Greenwood to facilitate the process. Unfortunately some of these base clinics have been forced to close, due to lack of family practitioners to staff them.

Another step in the right direction, in Ontario provincially insured services now have the wait time waived for CF family members.

Better, but still a big problem.

An American friend of mine commented, "I'm American, a military spouse for 15 years now...never had an issue finding a doctor who would accept our family. We've moved 15 times or so. The only time we avoided the potential to not have a Dr. was when we did the exchange tour to Nova Scotia. We lucked out (or "in" as Canadians say!) and the same Dr. who was seeing the family we were to replace took us on as we were the same number of people in our family. I always felt guilty because I knew many of our neighbors (Canadian military families) who didn't have one."

Wow. She felt guilty for actually having a family physician? You know there is a problem when...

Anyway...as for me, my medical appointment last week was quick and relatively painless, and I left minus 3 vials of blood and with three extra specialist referrals in my hands. I was pretty lucky. I bought myself a treat, had a coffee and came home. Who knows where and when my next family physician visit will happen? Will I even see this doctor again? Or will it be the same, tedious search for a new doctor in a different town? Province? Country?

I have no idea.

There's no life like it. 

What about you? Have you ever had to find a new physician as a result of a move?

Brenda

Military Monday: Listen Carefully by Vicki Morrison

Vicki L Morrison

Today's blog is a piece sent to me by my amazing friend Vicki Morrison. Vicki and I have been friends since we met at the Greenwood Military Family Resource Centre about ten years ago. Now a part-time freelance writer (with articles in many newspapers and popular magazines including the Canadian Military Family Magazine) and working on her first novel, she's also my writing BFF.  She is a proud Canadian, a proud military spouse and manages a full-time job while organizing the busy schedules of her three adorable kids. I hope to see her on the blog frequently (hint, hint Vic) over the next few months, as she also has been aware and hugely supportive of DEPENDENT from its infancy.

Listen Carefully
by Vicki Morrison

So, a couple of days ago I'm sitting at my desk at work and I overhear one colleague say to another, "It's a good thing Canada has the U.S. Military to look after us. What would we do without them?" Now, I'm not going to deny the Americans have a fantastic military. They do. I just happen to think that the Canadian Forces does a lot more (a lot more effectively) with it's limited resources and manpower, but as a Canadian military spouse I am a little biased.

So what did I say when I overheard this ignorant comment? Nothing. What did I do? Nothing. I didn't even correct them. Typically Canadian, eh? No quick comeback, no point in getting into an argument, no point rocking the boat. I went back to work, tucking their comments away for the drive home when I would protract a witty, enlightened rebuttal - effortlessly refuting their stupid diatribe.

A week later the anniversary of 9-11 came around. As usual it hit home and it hit hard. The memory of that day slamming me back in time. That feeling of helplessness; knowing there was a chance my best friend, my husband was going to be involved in fighting terror. There was a chance he would go to war. He didn't, but many CF members did. Friends, colleagues, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters. Some didn't come back. Some came back with souls and bodies so bruised and torn they will never be the same. I thought back to the conversation between my colleagues I had overheard. The day I couldn't find the words to speak up on behalf of the Canadian Forces. The day I couldn't be bothered to argue on their behalf, rock the boat, educate the ignorant? I was ashamed.

I made a decision to never let the opportunity pass again. The opportunity to represent the Canadian Forces as a military spouse. To speak for those who no longer have a voice. To stand up for my husband's profession, his bravery, his dedication. On the anniversary of 9-11 I sat down with my co-workers and I told them about life as a military family, about my friends who are military spouses too. As military families our stories are varied and, in some cases, unbelievable. But they're our stories and they need to be told.

So I prayed with my co-workers. For our military. For wisdom and clarity for it's leaders and courage for all soldiers. I made my point. There are stories to be told. Words, once only whispered behind closed doors, that have to rise above the din of everyday Canadian life. Only when those stories have been heard will the Canadian Forces – members, and the families that stand behind them, be respected. Respected for the sacrifices they make everyday, across this country and across the globe.

So listen carefully. Our voices are rising. The words have been penned. Soon, you'll hear our stories. We will not be ashamed.
Thank you Vicki, for stopping by the blog and sharing your thoughts. Hope you can come again soon!

Brenda

You can find Vicki on Twitter : @Morrisonminutes
On her blog here.
Or on Facebook here.

Military Monday: Meet...Me.

Welcome!

...to my new Monday blog series! I've had super responses from military spouses and family members all over the world. Over the next few months...as I count down to the BIG RELEASE of my upcoming novel, DEPENDENT, I hope to introduce you to the faces behind (and in front) of the uniform. The lesser known, but no less important support system that helps our soldiers, airmen, sailors, marines and coasties do the job they need to do.

I would love to hear your story, tell the world about your product, or champion your charity...so if you support a uniform in any way, leave a note in the comments, contact me via my Facebook page, or email me at overdunnemail@yahoo.ca and I'll do my best to make your Military Monday happen.

Meet...Me!

To kick the series off, you get to hear about me. Yup, me. What brought me to write about a military spouse? Why am I qualified to share her story?

Me, eighteen years old, somewhere in British Columbia

It's hard to believe, but I've been associated with the military for almost twenty-five years. I joined (yes JOINED) the military when I was eighteen as a part of the Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP) and went off to basic training to march around and carry a rifle. The military paid for part of my university degree...and then gave me a physiotherapy job for almost five years afterward. I met lots of military folks, and their spouses, and then one day met a very special pilot who eventually became my husband.

When we married, I took my release from the Canadian Armed Forces, and we moved together on our first posting. We've now been married for 16 years, lived in nine (yes, 9) different homes in three different countries and I've held seven different physiotherapy jobs and one barista job since that time. My husband has been deployed several times-- once to the Middle East. Last year he lived four hours away from us while he was on course for eleven months. The word on the street is that the Dunne family will be packing up house in the spring of 2014 and moving somewhere else. Where? Your guess is as good as mine!

My amazing family

I could bore you with tales of woe, but for the most part it has been a great ride. I think part of the reason why is the strength of our family, and the commitment we have to sucking everything we can out of each posting. We go on day trips. We get involved. We sign up for perks. We live on the farm we wanted and deal with long commutes because that's what it takes. We turn posting trips into adventures, not horror stories. We have fun.

Over the next few months I hope to share some of my happy moments and my horror stories (believe me, there are both) and also to share the experiences of others like me, and yet not like me. I hope you'll join in, and share your similar stories.

Thank you for stopping by! If you'd like, say hello in the comments below so I can meet you too.

See you next week as we meet another military spouse with a different story...

Brenda