Military Monday: Life...interrupted.

As you know, our summer has been a bit messy, with all of the moving and upheaval and chaos that goes with it. Although you never get used to that sort of insanity, you learn to deal with it. You expect a month or two of boxes and hiccups and new issues, and this summer is no exception.

As our moves typically occur in the summertime, we usually fumble through the months of July and August...knowing that in September we'll really be able to get organized. 

Because in September, the kids go back to school. Schedules are finalized, kids head off to their classes with backpacks full of shiny new school supplies... off to fill their heads with knowledge, meet new friends and settle in for the next few years. Parents are refreshed, energized, and people like me finally have the time to dig into those last few boxes and get their household administration under control. Time to sort out our careers, organize our days and make plans. Right? 

Wrong.

Waiting for the doors to open.

In the province of British Columbia (where we live), teachers are on strike. It's a messy, political, deep-rooted battle between the BC Teachers Federation and Governmental beings, and as an outsider moving in, I refuse to take sides and support either entity. When two sides can't sit down with an experienced negotiator and work it out, they lose my respect. I am already sick of the media ads and tweets that say (either directly or indirectly) 'Our side is better because we're willing to negotiate and the other side isn't, so you should support us!' Baloney. Horse poop. It all makes me grumpy. Especially when the people who the sides are fighting about--teachers and kids--just want to get back to school. 

Anyway I digress. 

The schools here are closed, and my kids are still home. Those hallowed first days of school where I can sip my coffee and organize my life are yet to happen. There are signs that the two sides are getting closer, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'll be fine. And my kids will be fine as well. But the first day of school is a milestone all families look forward to. And it has become blatantly clear how much we, as a military family, depend on that milestone to ease the sting of a posting. 

Because school isn't just about books. It's about life. 

Life for military families with kids on a new post starts on the first day of school. It's the real beginning. Until that day, the move isn't finished. Just like the pile of boxes in the corner, school holds so many possibilities and so many unknowns. It's a big stressor for military kids because there are so many unanswered questions. Will I like my teacher? Will I be able to play the trombone in band? Will I make the soccer team? Will I be behind or ahead in Math? Will I have too much homework? Will the kids on the bus be mean or nice? Will they tease me because I'm new? Did I get the course selections I asked for? Will I have enough time to get between classes? Are there good books in the library? 

And the most important question for kids... Will I meet a new best friend?

It's always been a given that the kids would head back to school at the end of the summer, and when they were bored and missing their old friends we could bring up the possibility of new friends just on the other side of the school doors. Our kids are old enough to understand. They know that somewhere in the throng of shiny new faces is a potential kindred spirit. So they are looking forward (even if they won't admit it) to the first day. But it feels like we are on hold. Like life is interrupted. Unfinished. 

And this year we have a new question to add to our list of unknowns. When will it start?

I guess we will just have to wait and see. 

Military Monday: The Changing Nature of Time

Of course we all know that time is fluid, sometimes speeding up, sometimes slowing down. And no where is this more true than in a military family.

Imagine looking ahead to a deployment. Be it six months, nine months, a year... even two weeks. The time between now and when your spouse leaves is like a speeding freight train coming right at you. The closer it gets, the faster it seems to go, until it smacks you right in the face and then keeps going, running over you and leaving you stunned and a tiny bit lost.

Yet after they leave, time stretches out. Long, trudgy days of the same routine over and over again with no variety. Stress. No news. No bright lights in the near future to focus on. Their few phone calls? Like a single breath--in, out and it's over. Two weeks of leave in the middle? A huge wait for a heart beat of time.

Time expands and contracts in weird ways for military families. Sometimes there's not enough time. Some time there's too much.

Take my family for example. We're still waiting for that lovely piece of paper (or in today's day and age an email) that says: You're Posted! Get Going! It seems like we've been waiting forever for that little tidbit. While you're waiting you can't do anything, just watch those beautifully perfect homes on MLS appear and disappear like smoke.

But when it comes? Chaos. Five million things need to be done, all at once, that can't be done without the official OK. (see my Posting Phases posts...) Houses cleaned and dejunked and listed, house hunting trips booked, schools notified, plans made, and time becomes an unstoppable wave that builds and builds until it crashes down and you are driving away from three years of friendships and home-building into a world of unknowns and adventure.


Call me strange, but I actually like the changing nature of time. It's something I can count on--even if that's a bit of an oxymoron. It's consistently changing. One of the expecteds in my life. Those long days of waiting are great for just...existing. Reading a book, finding something fun to do with the kids, letting the housework slide and watching a movie. Sometimes it takes work to enjoy the slow-downs. Sometimes it's really hard to see the positives when there are still three months of single parenting ahead. But what choice do we have? Time keeps passing. I use slow days to recharge my batteries.

And the speedy days? Those are fun in a whole different way. Riding the wave is like careening down a ski-hill at top speed, reacting to the trees as they pop up in front of you. It's scary and exciting and sometimes it's really hard to put on the brakes on enjoy the moment. Too many things to do and too little time to do them in means you have to prioritize. Breathe. Look those little memories in your brain to take them out when things slow down again.

Because it's guaranteed that the minute you get comfortable with the speed of time it will change again. 

In the words of the old adage...This too shall pass. So why not enjoy it before it does?


Brenda

Military Monday: Posting Phase One

Phase One: Real Estate Research

Orders received yet: No.

Estimated TTD (time 'til departure): Unknown. Maybe six months?

Confession time.

I am addicted to real estate websites. Maybe not as bad as I'm addicted to Sherlock but--it's bad. 

I have an app, and I'm not afraid to use it. 

It starts innocently enough...sometimes just days after moving into our current house. Checking to make sure the price we paid for our brand-spanking new bungalow/two-story/high-ranch/colonial/salt-box is reasonable. Usually brought on by a For Sale sign in our neighbourhood. Oh look! That house is for sale! Wonder what it's worth? Why don't I just check? Oh! Look how they decorated that room! I like that kitchen...! 

Innocent mind candy, something to fill a spare moment. Checking on my iPhone while waiting for a child after school, peeking in at lunch time to see what's new...that sort of thing.

But then hubs has a meeting with someone and a whisper comes home. Just a possibility--nothing definite. They need a (insert job here) in (insert base A here) or maybe (insert second possibility B here). In our world these whispers are just that--whispers. Gossip. Like little teases, thrown out to tweak your curiosity. 

Thus begins a manic website-checking phase. It only lasts a day or two, maybe a week. Checking neighbourhoods, ideal locations, proximity of schools, and most of all real estate-prices. This is, of course, accompanied by another, more serious evaluation of current home resale values, because we all know that what we sell determines what we can buy elsewhere. 

Things settle down. After all, it was just a rumour. No need to get too excited. 

I go back to the occasional check in, watching for For Sale signs and trying not to drive my husband crazy with the constant question... Any news?

And then another meeting happens. Or a phone call, or something that ratchets the possibility factor up from 50% to 98%. Suddently it's not Base A or Base B. It's only B. This is the conversation. The one that says 'There's always a chance you won't get posted to this base, but we've slotted you in.' 

Such sweet torture to the compulsive real-estate checker. 

Friends in the new area are called. Schools boundaries are researched, downloaded, printed out. Extra-curricular activities are mapped. And always the checking, checking, checking. Can we afford it? What if that one sells before we get our posting message?

Inevitably they do sell, and it's back to the websites. Look at that! A new house listed! Squirrel! 

And so begins the roller coaster known as Posting Season. Phase One of the Twelve Phases of Posting: Real Estate Research.The beginning of a loooooooooong journey of adventure and emotional upheaval. 

I've learned to love it. 

The thing is, I suspect I'm not alone in the military spouse world. Are you a Real Estate Researcher? Always on the look out for a new home? It's not that I don't love my current one. I do. I don't really want to move. I love our quiet home in the country...far enough away that we have no light pollution, yet close enough that I can work in the city. It's perfect. And would still be perfect if we were never posted again.

But I love to dream. I love the thrill of the search. 

Now...wasn't there a new home for sale on that street? 

I'm off to check...

Brenda

Note: I use this website for my addiction:  http://beta.realtor.ca/index.aspx?CultureId=1

What's your favourite?

2014 Let the changes begin!

January sunrise.

January has been a bit of a write-off for me--no pun intended. Sometimes you just gotta go with it. Christmas vacation, day job nuttiness, family responsibilities and other things reduced my writing time to next to nothing, and with personal deadlines looming, my stress level went waaaaay up. I was not happy, I couldn't focus on my writing and everything else was suffering. Then my day job announced a  HUGE change which left me in a bit of a pickle.

I had to make some BIG decisions, do a little soul searching, and come up with a way to make it all work.

I really suck at making decisions.

REALLY.

I moaned and groaned and gnashed my teeth--just a tiny bit. Okay, a lot. My hubby, God bless him, listened and patted my back and said all the right things. My kids hugged me and gave me VIP snuggles. Even my in-laws heard my story and gave me great support. But in the end, I had to choose between what is right, what is easy, and what will keep me from diving head-first off of the deep end.

I've cut my day job hours.

Yup.

Scary, but necessary. You see, I love my day job, really I do. It's fulfilling, and I'm so blessed to have the ability to work with such amazing people. But writing…writing is my PASSION. When my fingers hit the keyboard and the stories start falling out it's…magic. It's indescribable. It makes me happy. Even if what I'm writing is crap. It's…it's just right.

More days to write + still working at wonderful day job = happier Brenda. All fixed, right?

Well…almost.

You see, on top of everything else, there are VERY LOUD rumours (not yet confirmed) that we are posted this summer.

Ah the joys of military life. Just get things sorted out and, BOOM! The 'P' word!

POSTED.

For those of you who have never experienced the mental, physical and emotional chaos of a military posting, lucky you! I suspect most of my readers have had to move for some reason or another in their lives. If it comes to fruition, this move will be move number nine in the seventeen years my hubby and I have been together. (It would have been number eleven, but we opted to stay put whilst hubby went unaccompanied to Toronto two years ago). That's a big number, but I know others who have moved many more times than us. So I'm not complaining. Just laying down the background.

When you move that often, you develop a process. A personal/family survival plan of how it works best for you. No move is ever perfect (and believe me, we've had some doozies) but with the right amount of planning and flexibility, they can be a lot of fun and even an adventure. New places and new  people and experiences--new everything! Well, except our stuff. That's not so new. Nine moves makes for some lovely dents and scratches on the furniture, broken frames, smashed china, ripped upholstery, flattened lampshades, unserviceable electronics... But I digress.

The point I am trying to make is that 2014 is going to be a year of change, and I am so excited to start! What changes are happening for you this year? Moving? New job? New manuscript?

I can't wait to see what the year brings. I'll be blogging about posting prep and processes over the next few months.

And then in July… BOOK LAUNCH!

It's going to be a great year!

Brenda

Military Monday: Military Kids

A different kind of helicopter parenting...8 Wing CFB Trenton 2010

 

 

There has been a lot of discussion on the internet lately about the current generation of kids. How this generation, the product of so-called 'helicopter parents' (see this article and others like it), are incapable of caring for themselves. How they need mommy and daddy to help them do everything, from folding their laundry, to helping them pass university courses.
 

As an answer to this...I give you the military child.

I have to say, I scoffed at these helicopter parents articles. Yeah, there's a few parents I've met in my years as a mom that would qualify, but the vast majority don't and won't. I'm sure it's partly because it would drive me crazy to hang out with parents like this. My friends kids' have chores. They participate in family discussions. They work for their allowances. If they get a failing grade, they lose privileges.

Part of the reason I know few qualifying helicopter parents is because, by necessity and opportunity, most (but certainly not all) of my close friends are part of military families.

So what makes military kids different?

1) Children in military families learn quickly that things don't always turn out the way they want. Often their first bed is a car seat, and they are on the road to a new home before they've even comprehended their old one. They say goodbye to their friends frequently. They don't get to choose

Dad just before
departure on deployment

their homes or their schools. The service branch their parent belongs to chooses those things, and chooses when they will change.

2) Military kids get big responsibilities on their shoulders early in life. I remember my three year old 'reading' to her newborn sister so that I could put her two year old brother down for his nap. Only a few feet away from me, but she understood that it was her responsibility, and she accepted that. When Dad is away a lot, someone has to step up to help out with other chores too, like lawn-mowing, dishes, taking out the garbage. As one military spouse says, "(Our) children are often in the position of learning to cope with change, they learn to make the best of difficult circumstances, and above all they learn the necessity of sacrifice for a greater good. Children in military families learn independence through adversity; being asked to contribute their skills and talents to the function of the family unit, to accommodate the absent family member."

3) Military kids understand the realities of military life. They hear the news. They know their parent is in danger. They endure disappointment when Dad isn't there to see them perform, to praise report cards, to compete in sports. They cry. They are scared. And they keep going. They get through it.

One of my good friends recently said in a Thanksgiving oriented Facebook post: "Our girls have amazed me with their ability to keep going, not moping around, not waiting for things to happen to them, but going out and making life happen, living it to its fullest. I don't know if I would've been as strong at my age."

4) Military kids have great role models. Parents and other families around them that understand the value of hard work. Immediate role models that don't always want to do what they have to...but they do it anyway.

Now mind you, not every military family encourages their kids to get out there, make mistakes and keep working until they succeed. Some parents take their fear of their spouse's job and reflect it backwards. Their family environment, something they can control, becomes the outlet for something they can't control, ie) their spouse's environment. PTSD can play a big role in over-protective military family parenting (a post for another time...).

But the majority of military kids that I've met in my 25+ years associated with the military are strong, resilient, capable, and hard-working. They're kids that are able to deal with whatever life throws at them...because, well, life has thrown a lot at them already. Their experiences help them prepare for life without mom and dad.

What are your thoughts? Do you know strong, resilient military kids? Or perhaps you know some helicopter parents?  Let me know your experiences in the comments below!

Til next time,

Brenda.

Military Monday: Waiting

Oh, patience. My downfall. My weakness. My ever not-present friend.

The military lifestyle requires patience in abundance. So much waiting! So much hoping and crossing fingers while the POWERS THAT BE decide your spouse's fate and you smile and nod and support from behind.

I suck at waiting.

(Those who have been with me for a while will remember a post not to long ago about my lack of patience in the writing world...mind you, it all paid off in the end...)

I suck at waiting because I am a PLANNER. I like to have all my cute little canards in a row as soon as possible, so that I'm prepared to ride the wave when it hits. I was a great Girl Guide. Be prepared? That's me.

Unfortunately when your entire life is dictated by your spouse's job, a job which can change at a moment's notice, planning is impossible. Waiting for news about a deployed spouse, waiting for dates of return, waiting for phone calls, waiting for insurance claims, waiting to find out where in the world you are going to be living eight months from now...waiting, waiting, waiting.

How many of you are out there waiting for your posting orders? (Or I should say your spouse's posting orders, but really, it's the same thing isn't it?) How many of you start searching the real estate sites the second you even hear a squeak about a posting message?

That would be me.


In fact, I probably started searching mls.ca a year ago, just in case. I've got a real estate app on my iPhone for moments when I feel the urge to drive myself crazy with the fact that the perfect house is for sale right now in the place we may or may not be posted. Oh, and let's not forget the wait to actually go on your house hunting trip because your current house hasn't sold. Torture for compulsive planners like me.

So am I alone in this? How about you?

What are you waiting for?


Brenda

DEPENDENT Cover Reveal!

       I am extremely and utterly thrilled to share with you the fine work of the design team at Jolly Fish Press! They've taken my story and turned it into a picture (a difficult job, let me tell you), and I LOVE it! It's fabulous.

Ready to see it?

       Well, before I show you, may I just add that DEPENDENT is now up on GOODREADS! Pop on by and click on that little 'to read' button!

       And if you like what you see there, did you know that it is also up on AMAZON for pre-order? This blows my mind. The release day is in July of 2014, but there it is.

Ready to see it now?

       Oh, if you want to keep up to date with what's going on, the best place for updates is my FACEBOOK page. 'Like' my page to get my posts in your feed.

Now are you ready to see it?

 

OKAY!

Scroll down for the big reveal!

*Drum roll please*

 

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TA DAA!

 

 

 

       SO? What do you think? Pop your thoughts in the comments block below!

 

 

       I LOVE it. I love the lower case 'dependent', the simplicity and femininity of her hair. I love that she is bare beneath the cage of her title. I love the black and white. And I love the purple, a mix of Air Force blue and feminine pink. When you read the book, you'll see why these things matter to me.

 

       Here's the teaser blurb from Amazon:

 

 

      When 45-year-old Ellen Michaels loses her husband to a tragic military accident, she is left in a world of gray. For 25 years her life has been dictated by the ubiquitous They—the military establishment that has included her like chattel with John’s worldly goods—his Dependents, Furniture, and Effects. They—who have stolen her hopes, her dreams and her innocence, and now in mere months will take away the roof over her head. Ellen is left with nothing to hold on to but memories and guilt and an awful secret that has held her in its grip since she was 19. John’s untimely death takes away her anchor, and now, without the military, there is no one to tell her where to go, what to do—no one to dictate who she is. Dependent deals with issues ever-present in today’s service families—early marriage, frequent long absences, the culture of rank, and posttraumatic stress, as well as harassment and abuse of power by higher-ranking officials. It presents a raw and realistic view of life for the lives of the invisible support behind the uniform

 

 

       Thank you, and please SHARE!

 

       Brenda

Remember.

Photo credit:
Elizabeth K Watnem Photography

Last week, after posting my Military Monday post on education, I was grappling with what to post here for Remembrance Day--what angle I would take, what topic I could share, what personal story or anecdote I could expand upon. I was a little stumped.

Remembrance Day has always been a mandatory attendance event in our family. Even when I was little my world stopped on November 11 while we walked to a cold cenotaph and stood in rain, wind and sometimes snow. As a proud Air Force officer, I have marched with my coworkers. As a military spouse I have stood by my husband. And as a mother I have watched my children march as Brownies, Scouts and Army Cadets. Remembrance Day never fails to move me. Even today, as you read this, I am standing beside my husband in his uniform, while my youngest daughter lays a wreath on behalf of her school...I'm likely trying to keep it together as I hear the Last Post.

But last week, as I came home, logged on to Facebook, and checked my messages, I was stumped as to how to do justice to such an important day.

There, in the 'Other' tab of my Facebook, was a message from a stranger. I was flattered and pleased that someone I didn't know would take the time to write me a personal message. It's still a novelty for me to get mail, in any form, from a complete stranger.

I clicked on the message. And then I read it.

I wish I could fully describe what this message did to me. I was...humbled. Awed. Proud. Sad. Overwhelmed. I wrote the author, Amanda, back and asked her if I could share it with my readers word for word. She wrote back and said yes.

So I am honoured to share it with you now. Please take the time to read it all.

 

* * *

Hi Brenda

My name is Amanda Anderson - I saw your post about education on the Canadian Military Spouses FB page. I noticed a lot of the spouses mentioned University of Manitoba as a good school for military spouses.

 

Cpl Jordan Anderson
3PPCLI
DND photo

I wanted to let you know that U of M is the first university since the Korean War to award a degree posthumously to a fallen soldier - Cpl Jordan Anderson 3PPCLI (KIA Afghanistan 04 July 2007).

I think its extremely important that U of M get recognized for this distinction - especially within our military community. It took a huge amount of work by Jordan's friends, the Political Science department and the university to make this actually happen.

 

In addition to Jordan receiving his degree posthumously, a bursary was established - Cpl Jordan Anderson On the Ramp award for serving or retired member of the Canadian Forces, or a cadet (with preference given to those studying political science). Although the award isn't open to spouses I want the military community to know the extent to which U of M supports our military.

 

Jordan was taking political science through distance ed at U of M. As a serving member it was a challenge and more than one time I had to call the distance ed office myself and tell them he got bugged out and that term paper wasn't making it in, and perhaps could they speak to the prof and get him an extension?The staff at the distance ed office were unbelievably supportive throughout his years of study.



Cpl Jordan Anderson in theatre
DND photo



 

The day before he died he contacted the head of the department and was arranging to take classes upon his return from Afghanistan. I can't describe in a message how it felt to receive my husband's degree after his death. His dedication was incredible and I desperately wished it was him receiving it and me sitting in the audience. The news articles detail more of my reaction and the spontaneous reaction of the audience that day.

 

Here are some news links with more information:

 

**U of M to award posthumous degree to fallen soldierCpl. Jordan Anderson, raised in N.W.T. and was based in Edmonton, was taking BA

 

**POSTHUMOUS DEGREE TO BE CONFERRED ON FALLEN CANADIAN SOLDIER

 

**Education in the midst of conflict Cpl. Anderson was serving his country, planning for his future

 

When the news articles were published, the University was still working out logistical and privacy aspects of the bursary (therefore some of the newspaper article details are incorrect). Here is a link to a summary of the FINAL bursary requirements.

 

If anyone was interested in donating to Cpl Jordan Anderson 'On the Ramp' Bursary I've summarized the details on his In Loving Memory Facebook page here - along with a link to the donation form.

 

Jordan
(Anderson family archives)

I know this isn't the direction of your article, however you are speaking to the military community about education. Its hard to part with tuition money so at least at U of M you know its going to an institution who cares / gives a damn about our military and their sacrifice.

 

I hope you choose to share (in some format) Jordan's story and the amazing support he received from the U of M. Even more timely with Remembrance Day being next week.

 

Amanda Anderson

Widow of Cpl Jordan Anderson 3PPCLI

 

* * *

 

Needless to say, I was floored. 

 

I've since contacted George MacLean, PhD, Associate Dean of Graduate Studies at the University of Manitoba, who was the department head at the time Jordan was taking his courses. Dr. MacLean had this to say:

 

 "Jordan's story will likely stick with me for the rest of my life.  It was one of the best things I think we've done as a university...Military personnel (some American, too) over at the Air Force base officer school in Winnipeg raised funds to support the bursary, and it was fully funded and then given final approval in 2010.  We've awarded it at least twice since then."

Coming home.
Photo credit: DND

 

Such an amazing, heart wrenching inspirational story.

 

I am so honoured and privileged to be able to share it with you on today of all days.

 

So today, whether you are at work, school, home or at the local cenotaph, take a moment to remember Cpl Jordan Anderson and all of the people who were touched by his story. Touched enough to pull together to help others like him enrich their lives.

 

Remember the men with him...men who had wives and families and lives back home waiting for them. Remember that they were working on degrees, making plans, preparing for the future.

 

Remember how much they wanted to come home.

 

Remember that they didn't.

Brenda

 

***

 

Dedicated to the men who died on July 4, 2007

Killed in Action

Afghanistan

 

Captain Matthew Johnathan Dawe (3PPCLI)

Captain Jefferson Clifford Francis (1 Royal Canadian Horse Artillery)

Corporal Jordan James Anderson (3PPCLI)

Corporal Cole D. Bartsch (3PPCLI)

Master Corporal Colin Stuart Francis Bason (The Royal Westminster Regiment)

Private Lane William Thomas Watkins (3PPCLI)

 

Afghan interpreter

 

 

Military Monday: Careers for Military Spouses - Education

PART 3 OF A 3 PART SERIES

One of the many problems for military spouses attempting to embark on a new career path is the difficulty in obtaining a degree or diploma in their preferred field. Once again, we move. And our husbands go away a lot. And we often have young children at home and no family in the same time zone, let alone the same town. The application deadlines generally fall before posting messages come out, so even when you do apply, there's no guarantee you'll be able to follow through. And education is expensive! How do you afford four or more years of courses when you are barely making ends meet now?

So...is there any hope for a military spouse looking to get a new start in the job market?


In a word...YES! Although no one can guarantee it will be easy (it won't), there are many avenues you can pursue, and many military spouses have successfully completed the necessary education in spite of the challenges. The big question is how?

Firstly, all Canadian Military Family Resource Centres have an Education and Training component with Resource Libraries and links to help you investigate the possibilities. Whether it be for adult high school, college, university, or other courses, they are there to help you succeed. Start your journey by paying them a visit.

Not in Canada? Although I'm no expert on the American/British/Australian/other systems, similar programs exist to help you as well. Military.com has a tab dedicated to education for American spouses(as well as many other sites), and for British MoD spouses I believe the HIVE system has resources to help you.

When narrowing down to a specific course of study, a military spouse has to consider several key factors:

1. Does the educational institution have a distance learning possibility for your course? Some universities operate almost entirely online. Abathasca University is one example that has a great track record and is very portable. Other universities suggested by my readers included U of Manitoba, and Mount Saint Vincent University.

2. Is financial assistance available? Some universities offer special scholarships for adult learners, there are also tax breaks for those enrolled in secondary education. A low interest loan may be the best bet. Or, have you considered doing your degree on one of the military training plans, like ROTP? (I got my physiotherapy degree this way) Talk to your local MFRC or the finance/tuition assistance section of your university for more info.

3. Childcare? How can I study with the kids at home? Nothing like having a sick toddler and a twenty page paper due the next day. All I can say to this one is that there is always a way. Not necessarily an easy or perfect way, but a way. Talk to your spouse, friends, MFRC, university, family members...and figure it out. Plan around naptimes and bedtimes. And plan to keep long hours and late nights.

4. What happens if...? Expect problems. Completing a new degree or diploma will take time, energy and money. You will have questions and no idea how to get the answers. You'll have sick kids and no child care, long assignments and no time. You'll get an unexpected posting message. Your spouse will be deployed. Try to plan ahead for possible snags so that when they happen you'll be prepared. In the end it will be worth it!

When it comes to your education...there is always a way.

Have an spousal education story or an education solution you'd like to share? Know something I don't? (Very likely :) )Please comment below, or talk to me on facebook here. You may just help another spouse in the same situation!

Thanks and have a great week!

Brenda

Military Monday: Careers for Military Spouses (Part 2 of a 3 part series)

PORTABLE CAREERS

The way I see it, military spouse careers can go one of four ways. The military spouse (using the feminine pronoun as statistically more common) can:

1. Give up entirely on working/maintaining a career and stay at home.

2. Work at whatever job presents itself.

3. Accept that to maintain a career, she--as the military spouse--will have to stay in one place while her spouse moves and deploys without her.

and

4. Find a career that's portable.

Although I don't think that any of the above options is the wrong option, or a bad option, I DO think that the most fulfilling choice for me is number 4. I have tried option 1, 2 and 3 for varying lengths of time. For me, staying at home was great when the kids were small, when we were posted overseas and for the in-between periods on a new post or just before moving. But sooner or later, I need to get out and make some money to add to the family income. For my own sanity, and for the mental health of my family I need to do SOMETHING.

So. What careers are the best for an ever-moving family? What careers can move with you? What can a military spouse focus on when looking toward a career? I put this question out on social media and the results of my completely unofficial poll came back looking like this:

Twelve careers that work (in no particular order):

1. Nursing (RN, LPN, RPN...): Great option. Nurses are needed everywhere. Lots of opportunities in different fields (emergency, long term care, surgical...)

2. Dental Hygienist: Again, fairly easy to find work in this area

3. Dental Assistant: Ditto.

4.  Teacher: Often lose seniority, but I know many teachers who have been able to work their way back into the field with each move.

5. Home sales: Lots of options, although difficult to start a new customer base each time you move, it can be done. I have one military spouse friend in the UK who has built her Pampered Chef empire high enough that she gets a free trip almost every year.

6. Tradesperson: Construction, electrician, plumbing...although stereotypically male dominated professions, and military spouses are stereotypically female, don't knock these possibilities. These are good paying options, and are in demand just about everywhere.

7. Transcriptionist (medical/legal): These jobs can be done remotely via internet/phone.

8. Personal Support Worker (PSW): Always needed. Just check your classifieds and you'll see what I mean.

9. Graphic Design: Especially for the web.

10. Any other internet based work...Blogging, content writing, social media, editing, analyst...so many options here.

11. Physiotherapist/Physical Therapist: As a qualified physio, I can highly recommend this as a portable career. I have never wanted for a job. I actually wait until I'm good and ready before I hand out resumes at a new post, because there is always a position waiting to be filled.

12. Author: Again, I can vouch for this one...although the pay isn't great until you get a few published novels under your belt!

Thoughts? Did I miss any? Do you have a career that's portable that I haven't mentioned?

As you can see, the list is very skewed toward the medical side of things. Again, just check your classified ads to see how badly medical professionals are needed where you live! Sure the reset button is ever-present, with new seniority/pay/vacation with each move, but the jobs are usually there. And if you can get hooked up with a national health care company you may even be able to keep some of those benefits.

You'll also note, I haven't included the gate-keeper professions: Doctor, Dentist, Lawyer, Bank CEO. Please don't think that this is because I don't believe military spouses can't do these professions. They can. And if you want to be a doctor, you should go for it. It's just these are professions which often require a long educational and interpersonal commitment and are not easily portable as a result.

On that note, the next problem a military spouse that moves every two to three years would encounter is how can she get the education to live out one of these careers?

I'll be talking about careers, education, and military spouse assistance programs in my next Military Monday post. If you have anything to add, feel free to connect to me via the comments block below, or via my Facebook page. And don't forget to like my page while you are there!

Brenda

Military Monday: Careers for Military Spouses (Part 1)

Maintaining a Career

(Part one of a three part series)

After my last post, on Finding a Family Doctor, I got thinking about what other aspects of military spouse-hood are both unique and challenging. What parts of normal life-progression are different for spouses of military members?

For me, one of the top items on this list is Careers.

We move. A lot. Sometimes every three years, sometimes yearly, sometimes more than once in a year. Every once in a while, you might see more than that (I have several friends who managed to stay on the same base for more than ten years), but sooner or later the powers that be will pick your spouse for that brilliant posting and boom! Your professional life is on hold.

Pros and Cons

What makes career path maintenance difficult? What are the advantages of life in the military when it comes to employment matters? I put the subject out there on the interwebs, and got very strong and very thoughtful responses. Here's a compressed version of what spouses were saying:

Cons:

1. Most careers are not portable. It's very difficult to maintain an actual professional career path

with all of those moves. Moves tend to hit the 'reset button' for careers: putting you back at the bottom of the seniority list, resetting your vacation time to zero, and adding probationary periods. Often jobs are location specific, as well. Jennifer commented:  "I ran a very successful bar and grill taking home more money then my hubby until I moved here. Now I sadly work in a call center... I tried to open my own bar here, (but the) town council shot me down multiple times".

Along the same lines as this, some career paths (border security for instance) only work when the area you are posted to permit it, or the city is large enough to allow a market or a niche.

2. New post, new day care. Yeah. This is a whole post in itself, so I'll leave it at that. Finding a new day care = stress.

3. The job hunt process. Changes in employment rank high in the top 100 life stressors according to famous stress list makers Holmes and Rahe. An un-looked-for move involves an emotional and mental upheaval that can include:


*Leaving an old job (generally not by choice)
  *Searching for a new job: resume writing, searching the internet and a lot of unavailable time while dealing with all of the other time-consuming move items.
  *Walking into established social situations and trying to find your place.
  *Changing your schedule to meet your job requirements.
  *Rejection after rejection after rejection is hard to take. I have a wonderful friend who went from an Executive position to applying to more than a hundred jobs over several years before she found employment--and that at a significant downgrade in seniority and pay. It was a very difficult and very stressful time for her.

4. Licensing requirements change from province to province, state to state and country to country. As a physiotherapist, I know this issue quite well, and often have to weigh the benefits of having a license in the province/state/country against the effort and money required to obtain a license. This became painfully clear when returning from an out-of-country posting. I discovered my 'hours worked in the past five years' did not meet the provincial requirements. I had to write the national board exams to be re-licensed. One year, three thousand dollars and many, many stressful hours later I was able to work unsupervised again. Lets just say that the next time I let my physiotherapy license lapse will be when I retire...or my other career (writing) becomes self-sustaining.

5. Stereotypes. Hard to believe, but some employers are afraid to hire military spouses, knowing that they might move in the near future. What they miss.

6. ....And all of this happens while you are often dealing with your spouse away on training or deployment, mountains of boxes, finding a doctor, dentist, hair dresser, schools, cable company, grocery store, veterinarian and pharmacy...!

But enough moaning and groaning. There ARE some plusses to being a military spouse!

Pros:

1. Variety. Really, there's so many options for work, even within your own career path. One spouse commented: "I'm a RN and have never been without a job at each move. There's so much you can do. I've worked in small hospitals, large ones, on base. I've also taught." (Thanks Vanessa!) And another spouse (also in nursing) said: "Moving is an opportunity to try it all! Med/surg, community, OR, hospice...my resume is varied." (Thanks Laura!)

2. Opportunities for personal growth. I like to meet challenges head on. And what I personally have found is that each challenge I overcome becomes a huge surge forward on the personal satisfaction scale. Sure it's hard to find a new job, but that first pay-check feels GOOD.

3. Meeting new people. Making new friends every few years becomes a daunting task. And our

Me in the middle, with my two wonderful
(and pregnant) coworkers,
Jenny and Sara...so sad to have left that job!
We had such a great time there...

military spouse friends are often our first, and longest lasting friendships. But working allows a new outlet to meet people. It may be hard at first, as local non-military women and men tend to be skeptical of putting the effort into a new friendship, but these people are virtual mines of information about dentists, hair dressers and schools. And often these friends become lifelong connections.

4.  Military spouses are great employees. We have a lot of desirable attributes. We are hard working, we are resilient, we have great skill sets and we are often willing to put in the extra effort. If employers latch on to this, and recognize our value, they can become great assets in our career paths. And we have a lot of resources available to help us transition from place to place. Military Family Resource Centres in Canada have an entire section dedicated to Employment Assistance services. If you haven't already checked it out, you should. And there are many military spouses looking for others to network with,  and potentially hire. You can find one such group (The Military Family Small Business Association) here.

There are also many career counselling services and spouses-helping-spouses programs available for newly posted military spouses. Just a quick google search will give you a long list of available options. Resume writing, job searches, aptitude testing...government run and otherwise, there are many options available for you if you feel stuck.

4. And lastly, but certainly not least...That reset button can be a LIFE-SAVER. Wow, there have been times when I couldn't WAIT to move on to something new. Inter-personal conflicts, nasty work schedules, long commutes, stressful job situations...they all GO AWAY with a new move. Even without all of those things, a fresh new job and fresh new outlook can make a huge difference in your mental and emotional well being.

So what are your thoughts? Any other pros and/or cons of military spouse career-hood you'd like to share? Any suggestions for overcoming difficulties? Please click on the comment button and share your opinions!

Next week I'll be listing careers that withstand the military lifestyle. Tune in next Monday, or leave your suggestions on my Facebook Page! And while your at it...why not 'like' my page and get regular updates on Military Mondays and my new book, DEPENDENT, due out July 29th, 2014!


Brenda
 

Military Monday: Finding a Family Doctor

A few days ago I went to my first regular doctor's appointment (for myself not one of my kids) in
four years. As I sat in the waiting room afterwards, lab requisitions in hand, I got thinking about that fact. For me personally, this is not a big deal. The College of Family Practitioners recommends that a female of my age should have a periodic health exam every 3 years. And honestly, if I'm not sick, the LAST place I want to be is the doctor's office.

But what I realized as I sat there, was that (assuming everything is okay) it's quite likely that I will never see this doctor again. It took me almost two years after our posting date to find a doctor and get signed up with her practice, and if the lovely bloodwork comes back negative, I won't need to see her for another 3 years...at which point I'll be somewhere else.

In my sixteen years of marriage and eight postings I've had four 'real' family doctors. Real, meaning a doctor that I might have developed some sort of relationship with. The other postings I dealt with group practices (where the doctor on-call was the doctor you saw), urgent care clinics, or I did without. I HATE finding a new family physician. HATE it. It is probably the single-most stressful part of the posting process for me. Well, beside finding good schools for the kids. On this posting I called at least SIX clinics in our current small home town, and every single clinic administrator but one was rude and unhelpful, acting like I was wasting their time. Then there's the transferring of records (and fees which are sometimes covered, sometimes not) and the 'get-to-know-you' visit (two hours out of an already busy schedule to fill out reams of paperwork). And God help you if you discover that you don't actually like the doctor you've signed up with, because you won't be given the opportunity to find another one.

I know I'm not alone, so I put it out to some other military spouses to see if they had similar experiences with finding a family physician.  Some of the comments I got back:

* "...did not have a family doctor for 2 years"

* "I was without a doctor until I was being treated at hospital for a serious back injury and one of the doctors agreed to take me as his patient...The lesson I have learned is to take control, research and act quickly."

* "It wasn't until I was pregnant in early 2011 (three years later) that I finally was able to get a doctor because I had to call around and be like "dude, I can't just go to a walk-in clinic to have a baby, SOMEONE has to take me" and I STILL had to make a lot of calls before someone would take me."

* "Currently on our 6th posting, and only one of those I couldn't find a doctor. We were only there 2 years thankfully."

* "In Petawawa I waited 1 year and in Cold Lake I got (a doctor) right away."

* "We are now posted to New Brunswick and have to go on a waiting list, which can be at least a year wait. You do not get to choose your doctor, you are assigned one. There are no mediclinics in the town, you have to go to the hospital, which closes I believe at 5 and then you have to go into Fredericton after that. It is a big worry not to have medical service readily available."

* "I am relatively new to the military life (3 years), but I haven't had a family doctor since we left home at the beginning of the 3 years."

* "We got posted to Saint-Jean-Sur-Richelieu Quebec, it will be 5 years next month and we have 3 kids and we still do not have a family doctor..."


Two years? Three Years? Five years of waiting for a family physician? And this is just a fraction of the responses I got. I know that it's not JUST military spouses dealing with the shortage of family physicians, but military families often move every two or three years. That means each move is a new fight, a new waiting list, a new wait time for provincial health cards and a new physician-patient relationship. And let's be honest, it is NOT FUN having a routine female health exam by a complete stranger. Some families seem to have better luck than others, with no wait times at all, but the vast majority of spouses who responded had long waits and very little choice in which practice they ended up with.

Don't bother clicking...not accepting
new patients here!

Another spouse brought up a different side of things--namely trying to get medical care in your own language. French speaking Canadians in English provinces (and visa versa) have great difficulty even communicating with their doctors. One spouse commented, "I have to take someone with me to translate the personal information that is discussed, and depending on the appointment or the seriousness of it, they would even have to come into the room with me for the tests." Military spouses do not get to choose where they live. But, like every Canadian, they should have the option to receive health care services in both/either of the two official languages.

Thankfully, the Canadian Forces are taking baby steps to make health care more accessible to military families and have opened several CF family medical clinics on bases like 14 Wing Greenwood to facilitate the process. Unfortunately some of these base clinics have been forced to close, due to lack of family practitioners to staff them.

Another step in the right direction, in Ontario provincially insured services now have the wait time waived for CF family members.

Better, but still a big problem.

An American friend of mine commented, "I'm American, a military spouse for 15 years now...never had an issue finding a doctor who would accept our family. We've moved 15 times or so. The only time we avoided the potential to not have a Dr. was when we did the exchange tour to Nova Scotia. We lucked out (or "in" as Canadians say!) and the same Dr. who was seeing the family we were to replace took us on as we were the same number of people in our family. I always felt guilty because I knew many of our neighbors (Canadian military families) who didn't have one."

Wow. She felt guilty for actually having a family physician? You know there is a problem when...

Anyway...as for me, my medical appointment last week was quick and relatively painless, and I left minus 3 vials of blood and with three extra specialist referrals in my hands. I was pretty lucky. I bought myself a treat, had a coffee and came home. Who knows where and when my next family physician visit will happen? Will I even see this doctor again? Or will it be the same, tedious search for a new doctor in a different town? Province? Country?

I have no idea.

There's no life like it. 

What about you? Have you ever had to find a new physician as a result of a move?

Brenda