Book Release! All the Way Home

Adult romance BY KIM MILLS

So a while back (five years ago? Maybe more?) I started following a sassy Canadian soldier's wife (@reccewife) on Twitter. She shot from the hip, and told it like it was, and I liked her style. Her resolution to treat people to dinner while her husband was deployed was intriguing. And her blog posts were poignant and real.

Fast forward a few years, and Kim and I have become virtual friends through several other platforms, including a group of Canadian military bloggers on Facebook. She recently MC'd a national event to mark the 25th Anniversary of Canadian Military Family Services. And her name has been mentioned more than once since I arrived in the US--she had spoken the year before to Canadian military families here in the US National Capitol region.

While managing a busy family, a well-visited blog, speaking engagements and a meaningful life as a military spouse, Kim has written a novel--a Canadian military romance novel, to be exact. And I'm so happy to be able to support her as she releases it to the public today. In her words:

"I wrote this book because I wanted to read a story about average Canadian combat soldiers and the people who loved them during the war in Afghanistan.

I’m hoping that maybe there’s a few others out there who were looking for stories like that, too." 

Kim's bio:

Kim Mills intended to grow up to be a psychologist with a loft apartment and 3 cats. Instead she dropped out of college and married a teenage soldier and had babies. No one ever asks her to speak on career day.

After working and volunteering in Social Services for years, Kim began writing in 2011 on what is now the Canadian military family blog She is Fierce. Somehow, that led her here. No one is more surprised than she is.

You can find Kim with the childhood sweetheart she's been married to for over 15 years, along with her 3 kids and their border collie Trooper, making home wherever the army sends them.

ALL THE WAY HOME is book one of a series of books (The Way Home Series), and today is it's Book Birthday! 

More about the book (from Amazon):

Juliette has been walking through life broken and hurting for years, always relying on her friend Tavish to be there for her when she needs him. As soon as he met her, Tavish knew he would do anything for her, that is, until he enlists in the infantry and leaves town, and possibly Juliette, for good.
Soon the events of 9/11 change everything, and an upcoming deployment to Afghanistan prompts him to reconnect with Juliette 5 years later. Despite the time apart she soon finds herself leaning on him again as their reunion leads to something much more. That’s when tragedy strikes during his deployment, and Tavish comes home shattered. Is Juliette strong enough to offer him the support he has always given her? Will it be enough for both of them to find their way home?

All The Way Home is a Canadian-based military love story, the first in the Way Home series but is a stand-alone with it's own HEA. 

This book is intended for audiences 18+. For those dealing with combat related PTSD, some scenes may be triggering. 


You can purchase ALL THE WAY HOME on Amazon. And find out more about Kim on her blog: She is Fierce which is well worth a read.

Congratulations Kim!

Brenda

New Year, Same Me.

Snapchat improved me

My kids have gotten me onto Snapchat. So, I suck at it...forget to send things, send them to the wrong person, navigate the wrong way... I'm not a teenager anymore and the whole thing boggles me a bit. But it's a great way to connect with my three teens--especially the one in college. I was 'snapping' her on New Years Day, and one of the filters that came up said. "New Year, New Me!", all bubbly and smiley and celebratory--like it was super-cool to change everything up about my life and show it in one bizarre deer-faced picture.

Not so improved.

I cringed. Really. I should have used it and saved it and shared it here like a super-cool snappy mom, but I was so weirded out, I flipped on and forgot to send the snap in the first place. I get that the idea was to change all of those horrible things about myself...starting right then. Um, no. I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions. I've mentioned it before here on the blog, and my dislike hasn't changed. Why set yourself up with unattainable lists of distant possibilities? The NEW ME is skinny and organized and goes to the gym and has a spotless house and makes a five-layer cake every Tuesday! Even if I liked baking five-layer cakes, I could never eat the whole cake and stay skinny. ;)

I am, however, a huge fan of making goals and ATTEMPTING to stick with them, recognizing that circumstances change, and sometimes it's just not possible to reach those goals in a year.

What I also love about New Years is the opportunity a new year brings to reflect upon the previous one, and recognize just how much has been accomplished. When things get busy I forget to celebrate the smaller achievements, and they add up! 2016 was a crazy year, that's for sure, but a lot of good and exciting things happened in the many aspects of my somewhat crazy life. Here's Dunne-central's list of good things from 2016 in rough chronological order...

*Watched as the wonderful Canadian Military Wives Choir Comox celebrated it's 1 year anniversary.

*Recieved my rights back to DEPENDENT

*Published SKIN, my third novel with an amazing launch party surrounded by friends and family. 💙

*Supported my eldest daughter as she graduated High School with many awards and scholarships

Sea turtles!!

*Had an incredible family trip to Oahu for two weeks during which I had a VIP tour of the USS Stennis (aircraft carrier), swam with sea turtles and visited the Pearl Harbour memorials.

*Packed up another home, and drove for 10 days from Vancouver Island, Canada to Northern Virginia, USA--visiting Mount Rushmore, Craters of the Moon National Monument, Old Faithful and Devil's Tower.

*Dropped eldest daughter off for her first year of university (back in Canada)

Dependent: New and improved!

*Was privileged to take part in a three state west coast military tour, visiting Arizona (Grand Canyon), Nevada (Las Vegas) and California (Napa Valley and San Francisco).

*Published DEPENDENT's second edition.

*Continued work as the President of the Canadian Military Wives Choirs Association while working part-time as a physiotherapist and writing in my spare (?) time.

New Years, Ottawa

*Visited a grand total of 24 states and 3 Canadian provinces in one year--not to mention the many embassies and international events I've been privileged to attend.

*Had a wonderful New Year's Eve on Parliament Hill in Ottawa.

See? At the time, it didn't feel like I was doing that much. But as I write it down, it's like, WOW. I did all that. How did I manage to get it all done and still stay relatively sane?


2016 was a busy year. 



So now, looking ahead, I see how much can be accomplished, merely by picking small goals (publishing a new book, republishing another, enjoying our move, sucking the marrow out of life)

Just being me, without the new, is more than sufficient.

My New Years goals?  I've got four right now. Start small, right? But they are serious goals.

1. FINISH at least one manuscript. All of these crazy things have meant less time at the keyboard, difficulty focusing and difficulty putting words down on the page. I don't even care how much I write. I just need to write. At least a few days a week.

2. ORGANIZE my inbox. And my writing area. And my basement. Okay, maybe not the basement. That's hopeless. But I have over 7000 unread emails that need to go (not kidding), and I need to unsubscribe from those hotels I stayed in 8 years ago in Austria (also not kidding). And if I'm going to do goal number one, I need to have a place to work that is not looking like a disaster zone.

X-scream. Insanely
high up. Why do I do this
to myself? 

3. LIVE healthier. I know, this is bordering on the new year, new me mentioned above, but I did okay in 2016. I actually did a gym-organized health challenge last year and felt soooo much better. I don't need crazy diets, just healthier choices and a more active lifestyle. As I write this, I'm eating chips (also not kidding), so I've got a way to go.

4. SUCK the marrow out of life. It takes effort for me to leave that comfort zone and get out there and live. My comfort zone is so comfy! Why would I leave it? But 2016 has proven to me that life doesn't always turn out the way I planned, and I need to enjoy it anyway. I'm going to love more. Get up earlier. Hug my kids. Ride the roller coaster (unless it's X-scream. I'm never doing that again). Read the book. Take the chance and recognize that big changes start small.

So there you have it. New Year, same me, but with goals.

What are your New Years goals? Are you looking for a complete change? Do any of the above sound familiar? Let me know below!

Happy New Year!

Brenda

Dependent Giveaway!

To celebrate Dependent's re-release, I'm offering up paperback proof copies to two lucky winners!

Head on over to Goodreads and enter by clicking below!

 

Brenda

Dependent Re-release

New cover! Design by Streetlight Graphics.

Dependent's second edition is now ready for pre-order and will be available December 9th! 

It's been a few complicated months of rights discussions, editing, cover art and formatting work, but the Fortunate Frog Fiction edition of Dependent is ready to go and will release next week. This story is darker than my YA writing, and deals with some heavy issues. Sexual assault in the military setting, the culture of rank, deployments, moving...many of the things our military spouses deal with every day. 

If you haven't read it yet, please consider it for your reading list. There will be a Goodreads giveaway posted here next week and you could win one of two copies of the new edition. I'm also part of small blog tour to celebrate the re-release.

If you have read it, please share your thoughts in a review (Amazon and Goodreads are very easy platforms...), and don't forget to share with your friends!

Thank you to all who have supported me through this transition. 

Brenda

SALE!!

Sea turtles! On the northern shore of Oahu!

Those sharks are right under my feet!

Wow! Summer is flying by! My Goodreads Giveaway was a huge success, with winners from Louisiana, Saskatchewan and Quebec! Congrats to the three lucky winners!

So I've just spent two weeks on an entirely different island... Oahu! And it was AY-MAY-ZING!

Not only did I get to spend two weeks in a tropical paradise with four of my favourite people in the world, but I also had the privilege of being a military spouse during RIMPAC 2016, met some wonderful military folk from all over the world and...

I SWAM WITH SHARKS!

Looking HOT in my snorkel gear.

I know. Insane. Waaaay out of my comfort zone. Like, in a different galaxy. At one point, I counted twelve sharks swimming beyond the bars of our very flimsy cage. It was AWESOME.

Look at me at the helm!

 I also got to stand at the helm of a HUGE aircraft carrier-- The USS John C Stennis, had Brie (My FAVORITE) on the deck of a French war ship, and kimchi on a Korean ship while watching a very interesting rendition of Gagnam Style. So many adventures! It was a great trip.

But now, because my giveaway was such a success (thank you to all who participated!), and it's the long August weekend (yay!), and we're moving in less than two weeks to the other side of the continent (gah!)...SKIN IS ON SALE!

That's right!

From now until August 2nd you can get SKIN's Kindle edition for a mere $2.99! 

That's less than the price of a latte! So what are you waiting for? :)

If you live in the US... go HERE!

Canadian? Go HERE!

And when you're done, don't forget to review!

Have a super weekend!!

Brenda

April: The Month of the Military Child

FIVE REASONS MILITARY CHILDREN ARE AWESOME:

About two weeks ago I had the privilege of sitting in a local elementary school, listening to children from 6th to 10th grade give speeches--in French--as part of a nationwide competition, the Concours d'Arts Oratoire, (Oratory Arts Competition). It was the district finals, and my youngest daughter, who started French Immersion in 4th grade, was one of three finalists speaking in the 8th grade group of 'early immersion' kids, kids who started French in kindergarten.

Her speech was on Les Enfants de la Militaire, basically Military Children. She spoke fluently in a language she's only known for four years, with a passion born from life in seven homes in three countries, seven schools, numerous deployments and goodbyes.

Although my French is spotty, I have to say I was so proud to listen to her speak. She answered questions--in fluent French--about what she loved about being a military child, about the Month of the Military Child, and about her reasoning behind her speech.

She won the division. (so proud!!)

And then a week later my husband received a posting message for another cross-continental, cross-border move.

There's no life like it, right?

The fact is, military kids put up with a lot. How many first and second world war children never got to meet their fathers? How many times do military kids have to say goodbye to their bestest of BFF's, because their parent has to go to a new location? Stressors abound in the military lifestyle, and often military kids endure them in silence, because that's just the way life is.

But it's not all bad. In fact, the military life is a pretty fabulous way to grow up. The flower of the military child is a dandelion, and for good reasons. They move, they set up roots, and they flourish wherever they're put. In our family we've

embraced the lifestyle, and it's made all the difference. Being a military child sets kids up for real life.

They're amazing individuals, and here's five reasons why:

1. Military children are resilient.

All of that movement, all of that change, sets kids up well for real life. Your high school friends most likely won't be there to support you through college. And jobs don't necessarily happen where you want them too. Like many things in life, the only way to learn how to adapt to new situations is to experience them--and these children experience many, many new things in their early years.

2. Military children know respect.

In a culture which demands respect, military kids learn the meaning first hand. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule (we've all met that kid), but generally military kids understand that rules are there for a reason.

3. Military children are good workers.

When my husband went away on deployment in 2010, I knew I'd need help with the day to day things or the house would slowly deteriorate around me. I set up a chore chart, with three sets of chores, rotating between the 3 kids each week. Some weeks were a little harder, some easier, but, surprisingly enough, it worked. My kids learned that if they didn't do the dishes one day, the pile would be even bigger the next. Six years later, that chore chart still exists, and although I sometimes have to prompt, they generally sort it out. It's a huge help. And skills they will need for later in life.

4. Military children are independent.

You don't have to be a teenager to know that high schools are social jungles. Walking into a new high school alone, without knowing a soul, is a seriously stressful event. But they do it. Time and again. And next year, it will be a new school, a new job, and a new team in a different place.

5. Military children have global experiences.

One of our favourite parts of being a military family is the opportunities we've had to see new places and experience new cultures. Even within Canada, things are done differently in different parts of the country. Our kids are experienced travellers, and they understand that life does not stop at the high school doors. There is so much more out there and they recognize that they've had many opportunities others don't get to experience... like learning to speak French. Or hanging out with dad at an air show. Or even going to school in a different country.

Do you know a military child? Let them know how much you appreciate their silent support.

Are you a military child? Thank you. Your service behind the scenes makes our world a better place.



Brenda

A Day Off

It’s Monday. My schedule is flexible—changing every week—but for this week, Monday means a day off.

“Lucky you,” you say. “I never get a day off!”

Well, believe me, you have my sympathy and utmost respect. I applaud any parent who can manage to keep their house from self-destructing whilst working full time. I don’t know how you do it. Seriously, I don’t.

As for me, I work part-time so that I can manage the day-to-day life of a military family with teens (hubby is away…frequently), but really, my days off are supposed to be writing days. 

With two published books and numerous manuscripts in various stages of completion, I still cringe inside when I call myself a writer, but in reality being a writer is a job. A career. Some extremely fortunate people get to write full time. I am not one of those fortunate people (YET) so for now, my days off are technically working days, just with a different career path. Days off are days supposed to be spent in my favourite writing spot, hammering away at the keyboard while building worlds and creating magic. Days off are creative days, quiet days, productive days while the kids are at school, hubby is at work and my mind has a few blissful hours to focus on the screen in front of me.

Ha ha ha ha.  HA! HA!

Lets just take a look at how today started out...

Yell at kids to get their butts in the car. Frantically make coffee because I NEED CAFFEINE. Dishwasher full of clean dishes, countertop full of dirty dishes. Scrounge to find a cup. Pour coffee. Discover there is no milk to put in coffee. Yell at kids to get in car.  Skip breakfast—no milk for cereal. Too late for toast.

Take milk-less coffee with me. Drop kids at schools. Go to grocery store to get milk. Spend an hour in grocery store because I need a meal plan to get me through a crazy week. Buy a gazillion dollars worth of food. Light goes on in car—need gas. Stop to get gas. Drive home. Start putting groceries away, fridge is too full of last weeks leftovers. Empty fridge of science experiments to make room. Garbage is full. Empty garbage and put in new bag. Pantry is full of empty boxes, dismantle boxes and put in recycling, but recycling is overflowing so empty that. Put away rest of groceries.

Realize my coffee is cold. Make new coffee and leave sitting on counter. Try to find a recipe for chicken-creamy-something-put-it-all-in-a-crock-pot-and-leave-it so I can at least get an hour or two of writing done before kids need to be picked up. Give up on recipe books and find something on pinterest in ten seconds. Chop and dump and put nutritious food in crock-pot.  No space, so empty dishwasher and refill it first. Finish crock-pot meal prep. Realize coffee is cold. Nuke it in the microwave.

Remember that kid needs gym clothes washed. Reset laundry that I washed yesterday because it’s been sitting there overnight and has a bit of a smell (I have a thing with smelly laundry...). Trip over cat. Feed cat. Realize dog is outside in the rain. Let dog in and dry his muddy, disgusting paws.

Remember coffee is still in the microwave, cold. Nuke it again.

Sit down for two seconds to take a breath and realize I don’t have coffee. Go to get coffee. Look at the clock and realize it’s now noon and I haven’t had breakfast. Grab a banana. Sit down. Hear the washer finish it’s cycle, go switch it over, but the dryer is full so empty that and fold clothes. Put gym clothes in washer.

Remember coffee is still in microwave. Nuke it again.

Sound familiar? I’m sure you’ve all had similar days. Big, empty days off that suddenly evaporate and it’s fifteen minutes before you have to go again. How does it happen? Some days that coffee is never warm enough to drink it, and I’m lucky if I write a hundred coherent words—today being one of them.

The good news is, I’ve finally managed to sit down with my laptop and I’ve got two hours left to write. The dog is dry. The crock-pot is cooking. The laundry is doing it’s thing, the counter is clean, the groceries are put away, the recycling is out, the fridge is full and I’ve turned on some peaceful music to write by.

And guess what?  My coffee is beside me.

Cold.

Brenda

Military Monday: You Know You Are a Military Spouse WHEN... (for June)

After this morning's Facebook post (which, by the way was entirely serious) I thought I'd sit down and write out a Dunne list of military spouse-isms for the end of June. Feel free to add yours in the comments!

You know you are a military spouse when...

1. You see a moving truck pull into your subdivision and you have a minor panic attack.

Are we posted? Did I forget to put it on the calendar? But I just finished unpacking! Is someone I know moving? NO! They can't leave! I like them!

You get the picture.

2. You start packing for your next move and realize you have ten boxes you still haven't unpacked from the last move.

OH! That's where that pair of shoes went! I've been looking for them for three years! And...oops. I don't think that ham sandwich was intended to be packed in the foyer closet box...eeeewww.

3. You're filling out the criminal record check forms so you can coach your 4 y.o. son's soccer team, and you have to look up postal codes for three places to put in the 'List addresses for the past 5 years' section.

Not lying. I had to do that two weeks ago for a different summer activity.

4. You decide to file your kid's report cards properly (for a change) and realize last year's report card is still in a box. Somewhere.

Remember those ten boxes? My advice is to start looking in the bottom one.

5. You give up trying to find last year's (insert summer item here) and just buy a new one. 

It probably was broken/wouldn't fit, anyway.

6. You start looking at real estate websites in random locations, because you know you're likely posted next year. 

I am addicted to the multi-listing service (MLS). Just the whisper of potential postings sends me in a frenzy of home shopping. This year is no exception. And no, we aren't moving...yet.

7. You could wallpaper your house with rainbows of those little moving company stickers. 

Yep. Been there.

8. You know what FIGMO* stands for.

I--not lying--explained this acronym to one of my civilian co-workers this past week. She'd never heard of it. I enlightened her and she totally agreed she was FIGMO. :)

9. You are FIGMO.

Even if you didn't work during this post. You get that June feeling. You know, the THANK GOD SCHOOL IS FINISHED FOR A FEW MONTHS, feeling. Or maybe you're glad to be leaving your job too...and going along with your spouse. There's something so freeing about moving to a totally new place with a new job and new potential friends.


10. June is a happy-sad-stressful month.

See number 1. Who is leaving? Who is moving in? Where are you going? Where is your spouse heading on exercise? How are you going to deal with kids leaving their friends?

Looking ahead to moving and having friends move is emotionally draining. Actually June is draining.

Take heart. August is only a few months away.


Brenda


*FIGMO= F*@# It, Got My Orders.

Throwback Thursday: Chin High and Pushing Through.

The following is cut and pasted from my older blog (This Mom is Overdunne), originally posted five years ago in July of 2010. At the time my hubby was deployed, and I was feeling...well...hard done by. A lot has happened since then,(two moves, many more challenges and successes...) and we've weathered the storms to get to where we are now. 

I have many friends who are in the various stages of deployment, and I wish them all the best as they hold their chins high and push through the difficult days. 

I hope they know that they are loved. 

I hope they know that it will pass. 

And I hope they know how very, very important they are.


Originally posted HERE on July 18, 2010:

Quarrels, Quinte Cups, Conversation Killers (and Queries)

It's been a month and a half that I've been parenting on my own, thanks to the Canadian Armed Forces. The kids and I have gotten into a routine. We've pulled one of the chairs away from the table, so it doesn't seem so empty without dad (pictured, left) there. I work my shortened work week, I taxi the kids to their activities, and I try (unsuccessfully) to keep the house from looking like a complete pig stye. I feed them at least one vegetable a day. We eat out more than once a week. Pretty normal, actually.

According to my handy-dandy Family Deployment Handbook (FDH), I'm right on schedule. I'm in the 'Recovery and Stabilization Phase'. Meaning...I'm not sick? And I'm not so unstable? That the old boat ain't so tipsy? True, the almost-in-labour anxiety has calmed down, and I spend less time sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor sobbing. But I still hate it. Just because I'm not running down our country road screaming obscenities and pulling my hair out doesn't mean I don't think about it. 

The FDH states that by week 6 I should be experiencing "Feelings of increased confidence, independence, competence, freedom, pride, isolation, anxiety and depression". How can you be confident and still be depressed? How can you feel competent and independent, yet have anxiety? Living in deployment-land is full of nasty contradictions. I'm moodier than a PMSing teen deprived of sleep and coffee. One thing's for sure...if Momma's grumpy, everyone's grumpy. I try to be patient. But patience has never been my forte. So the kids are less patient with each other...and then the fights start. I have adopted the 'Mom's having a time out' technique. Rather than blow up at them for blowing up at each other, I lock myself in my bedroom and count to 1000 (10 just doesn't cut it). It works...more or less. The kids go 'Huh?' and stop quarrelling. And I get a precious moment or two by myself.

It bugs me that the little FDH book is so accurate, though. I hate to be pegged. But it's right. Independent? My husband (and parents, and siblings...)will tell you that he didn't have to go away for me to be independent. And now that he's gone, independence has hit full force. Whatever you do, DON'T suggest I can't do something. I'm like a kid with a dare. Two weekends ago the girls were at their first away horse show (One of the Quinte Cup Series)of the season. Two ponies, two girls, my son, saddles, bridles, helmets, show outfits, water, a sun shelter, chairs, food, diabetic supplies (for my youngest) and coffee, all had to be packed into boxes, trucks and trailers for a day long show in the heat. We got up at 4 a.m. to leave. And it went...okay. We got there, the girls showed, and we came home. I did it, with help from others, of course, but I did it. So there, ha ha. Independent me. 

And as to coversation killers... I read a post on Facebook this week that just about hit the nose on the head. I can't find it now (of course) and can't find the author, so forgive me if you wrote it. (And let me know if you did so I can give you credit) but it was along the lines of "14 things to NOT say to a spouse of a deployed soldier". I have great friends, and they generally know how it is with me. But I'd like to paraphrase a few of the points:

1. "I know how you feel." You don't. Heck, I don't even know how I feel most of the time. If your husband has NOT gone away for 6 months and flown in and out of Afghanistan at least once during that time, you don't know how I feel. If you haven't sat beside your diabetic daughter at 3 in the morning praying her sugars come down, you don't know how I feel. Just like I don't know how you're getting through whatever challenge you have in your life right now. My FDH tells me I feel isolated. Darn right. I'm alone in my experiences. I don't generally want to talk about it with anyone, because it kills the conversation dead. 

2. "It could be worse, he could be in..." Gee, thanks. Make me feel even worse than I already feel. Sure, he could be somewhere worse. I'm sure there are a million things that could make my current situation even more stressful. Do I want to think about them right now? NO.

3. "Well at least the kids are older (not babies)" Have you ever had a pre-pubescent daughter? Not fun. Tears at least twice a day. And my kids are old enough to understand where their dad is. They get it. It's on the news every day. Someone killed, someone bombed, funding cuts...I try to turn off the news, and thankfully hubby is not in Afghanistan all of the time, but they hear it. And they think about it. Babies don't. 

I could go on and on, but the negative vibes are making me grumpy, so I'd like to add a change of tone. I want to give you a few things I'd LIKE to hear. Music to the deployed spouse's ear, a balm for my tired soul. 

1. "Here's a gift certificate to the spa. I'll stay at your house and watch your kids." I don't have time to look after myself these days, what with summer (ie kids are home), work and taxiing. I'd love to have a moment alone. And if my kids are home, I have less to worry about than if you took them to...Wonderland or anywhere else far away and less safe. I can't relax if I think there's some danger. And with a diabetic daughter, keeping my diabetes-educated kids together, and keeping them at home means easy access to whatever food, medicine, or equipment she needs. If you offer something like this to a military spouse, though...make sure you follow through. There is nothing worse than looking at a gift certificate on the fridge for six months straight. And I can guarantee they won't ask you about it.

2. "Let me pick up the milk, pizza...(insert food item here)" I could really use help with lunch/supper now and then. I love to cook, but hate to decide WHAT to cook. We live 10 minutes away from even a corner store, so dinner = preplanning. The less I have to do, the better.

3. "You look great." "You're doing great." "You're a super mom." "You're husband is so lucky to have you." "Insert compliment here." What I'm doing is hard. My main cheerleader is gone. My kids complain. A little bit of heartfelt flattery goes a long way. 

And here's one for just me...

4. "I loved your query...please send me your full manuscript!" Sorry, had to say it. My biggest project for the week ahead is to FINALLY send off a couple of queries to agents in hope that one of them will support my book. A wholelotta anxiety over that one, I can tell you! I've spent over a year editing and coddling it since my last misguided attempts(yup, I did EVERYTHING wrong with those first queries). It's time to let go again, and see what happens. Query number one went out today. Wish me luck.

Brenda

Military Monday: From Here

Those of you who follow my Facebook posts will have seen the small issue I had with a comment made on my blog last week. (You can find it HERE--scroll to the bottom and click on comments). The comment itself seems harmless enough, and perhaps the commenter, whoever he/she is, didn't fully read my blog post before stating his or her own opinion.

I believe all military spouses are entitled to their opinion and as such, this commenter is entitled to her (or his) own thoughts. I do thank her because she has spurred some lively discussion (and a huge outpouring of support...thank you everyone!) and has caused me to ask some interesting introspective questions.

"...if you aren't from the area (you aren't)...you probably shouldn't be making comments like this if you want to make friends"--Anonymous

Wow.

Just, wow.

Here's the deal. I grew up in small town New Brunswick. Graduated from high school at 16, and haven't lived in my home town since. Not counting inter-city moves on the same posting, I have lived in 16 different places in three different countries since that time. The longest I have lived in one home is three years.

So where am I from?

If I were to move back to my home town (where, incidentally, I still own property), would I feel at home? Would people there say I was from there? Or would they look at me and say I was a foreigner? The truth of the matter is, other than friends I've kept in touch with throughout the years, there are many who wouldn't recognize me. And the town, though the same in some ways, is different in others. I'm sure the wonderful people there still consider me a native, but is that what I think of as home?

Home is a fleeting thought for most military spouses.

It's even worse for military kids. My kids have been with us on all of those moves, so where do they say they are from? One of my children actually thinks of home as 'Grammie and Grampie's place'...where she has never lived.

In reality, we, as military spouses, have willingly given up our roots for the service of our country by choosing to follow our service members wherever they go. Very few military families end up living in their home towns. They live where they are sent, for short periods of time, and then they pack up and move again. As such we are 'from' where we live.

I'll repeat that.

I am from HERE.

I live here. I pay taxes here. My family is here. My furniture, my kids' schools, my job, my grocery store, my pharmacy, my dog, my cat...are all here. In an election, I would vote here.

My home is here.

So I am entitled to an opinion about here. As is every military spouse that lives in this town.

We are here because our spouses have chosen to wear a uniform and stand up for the beliefs that this country, this province and this town hold dear. In a crisis, our spouses would be the first to stand up for here. They would put their lives on the line for every last one of the residents of this place, regardless of where they were born. As would I. It is our civic responsibility--especially as parents--to take part in local educational debates. Our taxes support these schools and we have a right to be involved in their administration.

I even have friends here. Genuine people. Some of whom grew up right here. Do they agree with every one of my thoughts? I don't know. Probably not. But they are my friends because they like me because of who I am, not because they agree or disagree with my opinions. As far as I know, the best way to have a friend is to be one, and those who know me will be aware of my loyalty to my friends. If I were from somewhere else, why would it matter? True friendship has no borders.

Where am I from? Here. And I'm proud to say it.


Brenda

Military Monday: A weekend of Heroes.

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to participate with my husband in a ceremony

Hanging with a hero-Stocky and I
before our flight in the Cessna

commemorating the great Second World War air battle known as the Battle of Britain. Being an ex-Air Force officer and and an RCAF wife, this ceremony is an important one, as it represents the first commitment of the RCAF to combat in WW II. I was part of a contingent which travelled north to Port Hardy--a small community on the northeastern shore of Vancouver Island to participate in the ceremony there. It was a wonderful weekend of fun, camaraderie, sight-seeing and seafood, paired with some serious moments of reflection. The local Air Force Association Squadron welcomed us with open arms, and much fun was had by all. I even had the opportunity to take a flight in a Cessna aircraft over the Queen Charlotte Strait at low enough altitude to see breaching humpback whales and several pods of orcas.

One of the members of our contingent was (and is) a real live Air Force hero. And even better, he was accompanied by his wife of 63 years...who I also think deserves the title of hero for her many years of service to our country behind the scenes.

James Francis "Stocky" Edwards, CM, DFC & Bar, DFM, CD (born June 5, 1921 – ) may not have fought in the Battle of Britain, but he joined the fighting soon afterward, and is one Canada's few remaining WW II flying aces. "Toni", born Alice Antonio, also has a military history, having worn the uniform in the '40s, working in both Communications and the nursing field. 

Young and dapper Stocky Edwards

Although I've only known them for a short time, Stocky and Toni Edwards have made a HUGE impression on me. Humble, kind, selfless and warm-hearted, they are the very essence of the perfect military couple. Seriously. They have been through it all. Postings far from home, long separations and deployments--they lived all of this before I was even a twinkle in my parents eyes.

Toni Edwards in her military days
(From elinorflorence.com).

But these two are so obviously in love, that they have persevered through all of their difficulties and are still living life to the fullest. They are so positive, so happy to be together that I can't help but think, I want what they have. They are true role models for today's military couples, having recognized the military lifestyle for what it was and embraced it--and they continue to embrace it as supporters to 19 Wing Comox and the RCAF. More than 60 years after their marriage, they attend as many of the local events as they can, arriving together and leaving arm in arm.


I'm so fortunate to have the opportunity to spend time with this lovely couple. They are true heroes.

You can find out more about the Battle of Britain on Wikipedia here, and about Stocky and Toni Edwards here and here.

* * *

Want to talk about the life of a 'dependent'? Do you cringe at the very mention of the word (as I occasionally do...part of why my book is so titled...)? Join me TOMORROW for a twitter chat at 12:00 PST, using #dependent to join in! Hope to hear from you!

Brenda

Military Monday: Posting Phase Seven

The HHT

Last week my husband and I flew across the country (without kids) to search for our new home. 

Anyone who has ever had to find a new home in five days knows how stressful a House Hunting Trip (HHT) can be. It's not just about finding a house. It's about finding a home. A place where your kids will be happy and the schools will be good schools and there will be friends nearby and grocery stores and extracurricular activities and maybe even a decent place to lay your head. It's about taking the dollars you have available and maximizing their effect. And not only do you have to find this wondrous place, you have to buy it (or rent it), fill out reams of paperwork, set up postal services and register your kids (if you have any) for schools while suffering from mild jet-lag and hearing that clock tick off your limited time. 

What's not to love about a place like this?
Vancouver Island

It's a very delicate balance. And usually it's a very, very stressful five days. 

Only this time...it wasn't.

Oh my goodness I'm in love with our new place! Seriously. And it's not about the house we decided

on (although it was a nice one). It's about the community and the setting. The people were friendly, the scenery was GORGEOUS and it just completely blew my mind that in a few short weeks we will be living there.

That, plus I got to spend a week together with my handsome husband in this little slice of paradise. When does that ever happen? No kids, nice restaurants and views to die for. Yes there were a few stressful moments. Yes we looked at 18 houses in two days, and toured three schools, and by the end my eyes were starting to cross. But the overall effect was more of a house hunting adventure. 

The view from our hotel room.
So lovely...

There are lots of HHT horror stories out there. If you've ever done this, I bet you've got a few nice ones to tell (feel free to share in the comments below) I've had a few doozies of my own. But a beautiful place and a positive outlook can make the world of difference.

Brenda

More Posting phases here: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six.

Posting Phase Six: Season of See You Later

Today I begin the long Season of See-You-Laters.

I say season, because goodbye doesn't happen all at once (as most frequent-movers know). It's a process. Sometimes painful (my twelve-year-old's bestest, bestest friends EVER), sometimes celebratory (the twit at the end of the road that tried to hit my dog every time he drove by--yeah, wasn't sad to say goodbye to him on that posting...), each goodbye has a story. Some people I'll remember. Some people I won't. Some friends will be life-long, and some I'll never hear from again.

The process starts long before I pull out of my driveway for the final time. We haven't even gone on a house hunting trip and it's already started here. Saying goodbye starts when I realize I'm not going to be in that part of town again, when I look at my calendar and do a double-take at the surprising lack of time before our drive-out date. I start cramming in coffee dates and dinner parties and last minute meet-ups--slowly at first... But each time I see a colleague, a co-worker, a friend... I recognize it might be your last.

Goodbye is hard.

Hence the See-You-Later.

You see, after twenty-plus years of military friendships, it becomes obvious that goodbye is rarely forever. And with today's social media, goodbye is becoming almost unnecessary. I can Facebook with friends I haven't seen in twenty years and tweet with people from ten different postings. And sooner or later, we'll be posted back together again, so why bother with goodbye?

I prefer 'see ya soon', or 'until next time'. Who knows what will happen?

But today is my last day of work at my day job as a physiotherapist at a long term care facility. A job I absolutely love. I've only been there four months, but I wish, for once, I could stay. It's a perfect complement to my writing career, it pays well, and I get to spend time with amazing people...some of whom are nearly a century old.

I hope 'see you later' will be the right call today, while I'm finishing up paperwork and tidying up my space, because I'd love to see some of these elderly ladies again. They have such wonderful stories. Such interesting histories. Sadly, they don't tweet, and they don't Facebook.

I've still got lots of time in this house/posting (thank goodness!) and I've got lots of time to finish my final coffee dates. I'll be back in this area again, so I'll say see-you-later, and I'll hope that our paths cross again.

Brenda


Like Posting Phases? More to come! Check out the first five here:

Posting Phase Five: The Long Wait

Posting Phase Four: The Stash and Dash

Posting Phase Three: Orders!

Posting Phase Two: Closet Clean-out

Posting Phase One: Real Estate Research